Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend snores like a lumberjack. Even when I leave to sleep on the couch, I can still hear her through the door. She won’t go to the doctor because, "snoring runs in her family and they’re all just fine." Yeah, uh huh. FML
Today, my new (and possibly ex) husband told me he is reconsidering staying married to me. He thinks my snoring is “so unlady like” and he can’t live the rest of his life sleeping with a “fucking Snorlax.” I’ve had sleep apnea since my mid 20s. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML
Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML
Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML
Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML
Today, my wife made me sleep on the couch because I ate the last Magnum Ice Cream bar. Last week, she bitched me out for singing too loud in the shower. I strongly regret leaving my ex-girlfriend of 5 years for this woman. FML
Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML
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Top comments
jmcow 0
Sucks man. fyl. You're ex-wife wanted the whole bed to herself. But at least you have a girlfriend now.
allmightyspiff 0
Actually snoring can be caused by stress, so maybe thats the problem? http://www.etipsguide.com/snoring-and-stress.html
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Comments (92)
fylisbetter 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
no one likes a snorer
Bag3l 0
yep
MegamiKaosu 28
yea same here my bf snores so loud I can hear him in the next room over and my fatherinlaw from the other side of the house and his room is next to ours : ppl ask me how I even get sleep with their snoring to OP I think your ex wife didn't like sleeping with you o.o or sone thing idk
Nonamerequired 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If your marriage failed because you snore, it should be good to know you don't snore when you're with your new girlfriend =P
AndreaHatesYou1 0
Wow. You're really that stupid? He didn't snore, that's why it's an FML (even though it really isn't, that's why OP thinks it is). 'Cause she was lying to come up with a reason to get him out of the bed. People on here really are incredibly stupid.
GreenHacker 0
Yeah, but who gives a shit? He's not married to her anymore. He's with someone who is honest with him now. Not an FML
neonokku 0
oh i get it! before i read #20 i was like 'huh....? ._.'
mystomachurts 3
Normally I would've written a comment exactly like #20's .... but it also could be that his new girlfriend is a very heavy sleeper (which I happen to be) Because I have never been bothered by guy's snoring ever cause I never hear it? So his new gf might just not be aware of it?
AndyL_fml 0
You are "here" too are you stupid too? Doesn't it mean your girlfriend don't want to make you feel bad because your snoring or she didn't even sleep with you, like... you know what I mean.
IamSpartacus 0
#53 pwned you.
WinRarGuy_96 0
My exact thoughts..
PainInTheAsss 16
You're really just missing the point.
Camelnaction 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
how is that an fml :S honestly sooooooooooo
meeeep 0
this is an FML because his wife made him sleep on the couch for other reasons, since he obviously doesn't snore.
Veritas143 0
So?he's not married to her anymore..you have a new gf.. Stop bitchin
Mc09toofine 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
seriously???.... this isn't really an fml i mean wouldn't you be happy to find out you don't snore? and if your wife left you so what you got a girlfriend now! gosh, people like you irritate me.
A83_fml 18
all I can say is... IQ dropped 10 points. Read a book, get smarter, and read this again, maybe you'll understand why this is an FML.
nazooer 11
I wouldn't say it's an FML, though... Damn the "FML's" Aren't funny anymore
Mc09toofine 0
Oh **** you!!
xMegan96 0
actually this is an FML. read it again.
allmightyspiff 0
Actually snoring can be caused by stress, so maybe thats the problem? http://www.etipsguide.com/snoring-and-stress.html
jmcow 0
Sucks man. fyl. You're ex-wife wanted the whole bed to herself. But at least you have a girlfriend now.
iamverybored0001 0
Maybe it wasnt to herself...
stephan18 23
She probably had guys sneaking in :s damn op, right under your nose
kindness 0
it's slack. cos if she didn't want to be in the same bed with him she should have slept on the bloody couch. but. perhaps you did actually used to snore. it is a possibility. even so, it was slack to make you sleep on the couch. she could have used earplugs or something...
sublime93 0
A "slack"?
yem2004 0
as was previously stated. how is this an FML? consider yourself lucky. previous wife sounds pretty f'd. this one sounds more like a keeper.
kukopia 0
Just 'cause she say's he doesn't snore makes her a keeper? Man, talk about low standards.
Anon17564 3
It's clear it was just passive aggressiveness from the ex-wife. But, this is hardly FML. It's not exactly a giant leap of imagination to think that your ex-wife was doing these things and it's only a small part of what was happening. Now you found out she was lying and you don't snore. That's good news, surely.
nicktowery 0
it's an fml because his ex-wife lied to him to make his ass sleep on the couch. another fml that weeds at the idiots.
powersmoke 0
The correct phrase would be "weeding out the idiots" ... idiot.