Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend snores like a lumberjack. Even when I leave to sleep on the couch, I can still hear her through the door. She won’t go to the doctor because, "snoring runs in her family and they’re all just fine." Yeah, uh huh. FML
Today, my new (and possibly ex) husband told me he is reconsidering staying married to me. He thinks my snoring is “so unlady like” and he can’t live the rest of his life sleeping with a “fucking Snorlax.” I’ve had sleep apnea since my mid 20s. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML
Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML
Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML
Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML
Today, my wife made me sleep on the couch because I ate the last Magnum Ice Cream bar. Last week, she bitched me out for singing too loud in the shower. I strongly regret leaving my ex-girlfriend of 5 years for this woman. FML
Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML
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Top comments
jmcow 0
Sucks man. fyl. You're ex-wife wanted the whole bed to herself. But at least you have a girlfriend now.
allmightyspiff 0
Actually snoring can be caused by stress, so maybe thats the problem? http://www.etipsguide.com/snoring-and-stress.html
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Comments (92)
jw90 18
It could also be psychological reasons that he doesn't snore with his girlfriend and why he did with his wife. But what do I know I'm just a psych major.
theblazian 0
Yup you are right..... though it is much more likely that she no longer wanted to sleep with him since it ended up being the last year of their marriage.... though honestly I'm wondering why in hindsight the dude didn't realize that. He obviously cares enough since he felt that it completely ****** his life.... I mean seriously... my ex-wife didn't want to sleep with me before we divorced.... oh the unexpected inconceivable inhumanity!
TheSuitGuy 0
Wow, that's really rough dude. Getting kicked out of bed, nothing's worse than that. Oh no, look, someone just took your blankie! Oh my, your sippy cup is also out of juice. Seriously, the OP needs to grow the **** up.
tyson346 0
Dr. Octogonapus BLAH!!!!
Prawn_fml 2
That's pretty rude of your ex. Even if you did snore, she's the one with the issue with it, so she should take the sofa.
604 11
You're right, that IS funny!
skyeyez9 25
maybe your new gf is a heavy sleeper and can't hear your snoring.
Troll_patrol 0
HA HA you suck you ******* loser.
blastvortex 4
Correction, you're life "sucked." It doesn't any more.
beccartist 1
correction: YOUR life sucked.
morgan020 0
haha my mom snores so loud she wakes herself up and blames it on my dad it's funny l. she never believed us until we taped her taking a nap on the couch and she kept snoring and waking herself up.
kukopia 0
Are ya sure it's her snoring that wakes her? Hope it's not that condition where sleepers stop breathing, that's serious!
cooliekid 0
that sucks man hope your ex-wife wasn't sneaking anyone into the bedroom kudos on divorcing her lying sorry ass and hey least you found an honest girl now.. double plus for you