Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML
Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML
Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML
Today, I found out that my extremely-flat chested cousin recently got a boob job. When my mom found out, she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!". Then she looks at me and tells me that I should get one. Everyone including my own mother thinks I should get a boob job. FML
Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML
Today, I went bra shopping with my mother. She insisted that I try on a bunch of push-up bras, and I told her I didn't want to, because it's false advertising. She looked at me and said that I need all the help I can get. FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML
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Top comments
Jeffo193 13
"Thou shalt not have surgical breast implants"
BlackBlazeCobra 16
For her sake I hope it wasn't a cheap surgery. If it was, she'll most likely regret those fake boobs down the line. Although that might be a good thing, as long as she doesn't get sick.
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Comments (147)
perdix 31
What if she's lying about being an atheist?
tj5810 21
...the plot thickens.
DanielleinDC 34
Hardly anyone will claim to be an atheist when s/he's a believer, but plenty of people lie about believing when they are atheists, for obvious reasons. As for you, OP, why do you care that your mom got a boob job? She's hardly the first person to lie about having work done, although the "against her religion" thing is silly. It's her body, her money, and her decision. Let's just hope she didn't have a fly-by-night surgeon because if you have to pick up the pieces of her screwed-up surgery, that WILL be FML-worthy.
RedPillSucks 33
I heard her screaming "Oh God!! Oh God!!!" in the bed room last night so for sure she's lying (laying??) about being an atheist.
vencku 13
88 - Maybe OP was just trying to have a conversation with her mother. You know. Like people do when something new happens.
dcats 13
Why would you pay attention to your mother's breast size
dhenri 9
How is this an fml??
charvisioku 22
Is your real name Oedipus?
shorty6823 28
I know this is probably a dumb question, but what's MILF?
marxistbkly 3
Well it's not the Moro Islamic Liberation Front.
ropeandneck 7
Mother I'd Like to ****.
RedPillSucks 33
Marsupial I'd like to Felate
poccocurantes 7
Mentors I've learned from. They all just happen to be older and have breasts.
Stobesel 2
Doesn't matter if she used the religion card when she's an atheist or if she simply lied or if she was enhanced by aliens; it ain't none of your eff'ing business and it's rude to ask someone that. What would you say if she asked you about your penis enlargement system?
sens3sfailing 25
Mole In a Lavender Fedora.