Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML
Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML
Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML
Today, I found out that my extremely-flat chested cousin recently got a boob job. When my mom found out, she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!". Then she looks at me and tells me that I should get one. Everyone including my own mother thinks I should get a boob job. FML
Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML
Today, I went bra shopping with my mother. She insisted that I try on a bunch of push-up bras, and I told her I didn't want to, because it's false advertising. She looked at me and said that I need all the help I can get. FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML
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Top comments
Jeffo193 13
"Thou shalt not have surgical breast implants"
BlackBlazeCobra 16
For her sake I hope it wasn't a cheap surgery. If it was, she'll most likely regret those fake boobs down the line. Although that might be a good thing, as long as she doesn't get sick.
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Comments (147)
kikis_momma 5
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
beatlegirl27 20
Wow
Enslaved 38
There are a lot of women that get different "procedures" done and want to keep it their little beauty secret. Sounds like your mom's secrets are too big to hide. :P Why ask? You already know she had them done.
santel_fml 8
So, how does this affect your life?
avaeba 14
...and how does this negatively affect you? No offense, but unless she's currently nursing, lying about breast implants doesn't exactly seem to me to be a ****-your-life moment.
jmcr 27
It doesnt but that isnt what op was complaining about it was the fact that her mom LIED about getting a boob job even though it was very obvious that she got one
emilyjgraham 34
You'd like to bang her because she's got fake boobies?
ewang_ 12
Yes
ICastillo 25
BOOBIES!!!
buckdharma 38
Her trip to Vegas involves a miracle! Before she B.C, then returns A.D. Her cups runneth over.
obviousboy 8
At least she's an atheist.
TechFire 25
Yep. Atheists are so much better than those people who generalize discriminate against people due to their religion, being completely intolerant to others beliefs! ... Oh wait. And for the record, I'm atheist, but I can't stand attitudes like this. Why do you care so much about what others believe, really?
obviousboy 8
For an atheist, your logic and reasoning seem to be lacking. You managed to infer an intolerance of theists from 5 words. While I do wish everyone were an atheist, as I'd be surrounded by more logical and rational people, that doesn't mean I'm intolerant of them, nor do I discriminate against them, as theists do to atheists. In several states in the US, atheists are barred from holding public office. Please show me one instance of an atheist discriminating against a theist (I require proof of things.) The main thing I have against theists is them using their beliefs to try to deny rights that they enjoy to others based on what they think their imaginary friend is telling them, not to mention honor killings and throwing acid in the faces of women trying to learn to read. Then again, my opposition to the last part has more to do with me being a decent human being than my atheism. Of course, don't confuse a disagreement with intolerance. My girlfriend is a theist, as is most of my family. So don't accuse me of something for which you have no proof.
ramseytt69 8
The most stupidest comment ever!
monnanon 14
hmm discrimination by athiests lets see not allowing christians to wear crosses at work even though other religions can wear thier own symbols, getting butthurt over a nurse offering to pray for them, using phrases like "imaginary friend" and derogatory language when talking about religions. the complete condecension towards anyone who happens to have a religion. btw i am not christian nor do i belong to any major religion just sick of the arguements.
ManInTheMachine 20
Nevermind, thread was deleted.