Today, my mother and aunt got into an argument about who had gotten groped more times in public. I don't know what's more disturbing, that my own mother would brag about getting groped, or that she won the argument, at 34 times. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML
Today, my drunk mom informed me that out of all my potential brothers and sisters she’s swallowed over the years she’s "glad" I’m the one she "accidentally drooled onto her crotch, swam up her fanny and invaded" her "virgin egg." This kind of shit is why I moved out at 16 and still have a therapist. FML
Today, my mother brought my sex life in front of an entire family gathering. I lost my virginity at 17 and when she found out she called me a whore. This time, she told the family I'd slept with 100 men by the time I was 18. I’m 40 and my body count is 10. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML
Today, my mother once again interrupted me and talked over me, as though I wasn't saying anything at all. Then she wondered why I remained quiet after she was done talking about her mother doing that. Must run in the family. FML
Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse, the fact that I now know that she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML
Today, a woman had a wardrobe malfunction right in front of me. As if that's not awkward enough, that woman was my own mother. FML
Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Bijaglo 3
That's pretty disturbing..
icyfire617 10
Today is also the day I'm staying inside. 0_o
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (88)
hazardoussmiles9 22
Sounds like something my mother would brag about...
writergirl23 19
Or that she counted
writergirl23 19
Cute birdie icyfire.
AdolfShitler 0
Quit groping your family in public You god damn sicko!!! :-)
writerforlife 9
And I thought I had a messed up family
NPN_Scorpio 16
Swedish Anna-Karin Elde drew a cartoon where a woman sits in a bar with the mandatory wine glass in front of her. "Om ingen nyper mig i rumpan snart så går jag hem." Roughly: "If nobody pinches my ass soon, I'm going home."
TodaySuxx 7
On the bright side. You must have a hot mom.
Free_Candy 0
I've been groped three times. Two were by my sister and the other was by the lesbian girl who won't leave me the **** alone.
chosha_fml 27
Or that she had kept count.
RyanMcManus 0
Haha boners u are awesome