Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was working at 5 am at my office desk when I heard trickling water. I ran to the foyer, turned on the light, expecting to see my incontinent 16 year-old golden retriever. Instead, I witnessed my still drunk, high and comatose husband standing at the top of the stairs pissing on the carpet stairs. Again. FML
Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend peeing in the cat's litter box. I'm the one who has to clean it out. FML
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Top comments
aGMAELSTR0M 10
They're competing for alpha position. Your only solution is to pee on all the walls now
naviajack626 16
That's disgusting. Make him clean the entire bathroom now.
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Comments (65)
Elban 20
Both can be trained to do better. Start with positive reinforcement and maybe a clicker. All else fails there's the shock collar.
Geckosrock99 33
All for the husband, right? Since an adult should be able to make it to the bathroom and clean up any mess he/she makes.
Elban 20
Yup
BlackHawkSavior 28
It would've been worse if it was the other way around
analhehskb 5
I would be totally pissed off
TeraBaap 21
Must be marking territories
aruden 25
well that could have been a shitty situation
tiger820 20
love the handle for the story!
DanielleinDC 34
Your dog--well, that sort of thing happens (hopefully not too often). Your husband is an adult and needs to 1) aim better and 2) clean up his mess if he misses. I hope you woke him up screaming when you stepped in his pee.
kangx1 28
Sometimes it happens that you can miss the toilet. If a guy says they have never missed the toilet in their life they are lying. Your stream can be weaker or stronger than you expect and you can sometimes make a mess but why the **** would he not clean up after himself?
Migole 36
You know how one can avoid this? By sitting down while peeing.
withered 30
If you can't aim just sit down. That simple.
LARC_UoGuelph 9
BREAKING NEWS! Both are from your husband!
manuwish 9
feel sorry for you OP, looks like they both need potty training..wish you luck