Today, I was cleaning my lazy son’s bedroom when I knocked a full cup out the window, complete with a layer of mould. It landed on the dog, covering him in mouldy, milky coffee. He ran inside, shook it off everywhere, then rolled around to really make sure it was smushed deep into the carpet fibres. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had made a cup of my favorite coffee, which I had recently found to be discontinued. To accompany this last cup, I went to get a muffin. As I turned around, I see my son pouring the cup out because I out put it next to the sink and he thought it was dirty. FML
Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML
Today, one of my dogs spilled half my coffee at home. My other dog drank the rest of it. Went to Starbucks later, picked my coffee up off the counter, and the lid popped off, spilling all over the counter, floor and my hand. While they were making me a new one, I dropped my sandwich on the floor. FML
Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Today, I spent ages cleaning my house, only for my toddler to spill a box of cereal right when I'd finished. As I cleaned up the mess, the dog dragged the cereal into almost every room. All the floors now have what I can only describe as "surprise crunch zones." FML
Today, I got drunk and spewed all over my lounge room floor. My dog ate it up, also got drunk, and also eventually spewed on the floor too. FML
Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
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Top comments
Iamthebanzai22 21
Well, you raised him... Hint: The reason why he doesn't bother to take out dirty cups is because he knows that mummy will do it for him.
WardenWolf 26
What if I told you, that you can do everything right as a parent and your kid still turns out a piece of shit. You can be the best parent in the world but, at the end of the day, they're their own person. What if I told you that you still need to take care of basic household things with or without their help, including retrieving dishes and ensuring it is not a sanitation hazard.
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Comments (1)
Iamthebanzai22 21
Well, you raised him... Hint: The reason why he doesn't bother to take out dirty cups is because he knows that mummy will do it for him.
WardenWolf 26
What if I told you, that you can do everything right as a parent and your kid still turns out a piece of shit. You can be the best parent in the world but, at the end of the day, they're their own person. What if I told you that you still need to take care of basic household things with or without their help, including retrieving dishes and ensuring it is not a sanitation hazard.