Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was working at 5 am at my office desk when I heard trickling water. I ran to the foyer, turned on the light, expecting to see my incontinent 16 year-old golden retriever. Instead, I witnessed my still drunk, high and comatose husband standing at the top of the stairs pissing on the carpet stairs. Again. FML
Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend peeing in the cat's litter box. I'm the one who has to clean it out. FML
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Top comments
aGMAELSTR0M 10
They're competing for alpha position. Your only solution is to pee on all the walls now
naviajack626 16
That's disgusting. Make him clean the entire bathroom now.
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Comments (65)
persephone217 24
the dog? eh it happens the man? eh it happens, but both in the same morning ...the world is against you go back to bed try again tomorrow lol
anon133744x 5
See this would be an FML if we had just a wee bit more context. Like if your husband didn't go to work and pay bills, or this happens often, then it'd be a scummy thing to do. But maybe he was just in a rush to leave and didn't even notice he missed.
PhoenixChick 26
So if you pay bills, you get the right to piss on the floor and other people aren't entitled to be grossed out?
DoomedGemini 38
And if op works and pays bills? What the **** dude, you make a mess you clean it up. This isn't a hard concept. No one wants to deal with your waste. If having a job means you can piss wherever you want what's the point of even having the toilet?
mccrightp 29
Urine a terrible situation!
mrswombat 16
Maybe this miserable weather we have been getting in good 'Ole Arkansas has them losing their marbles. In all seriousness, make your hubby clean that up!
nyagemini23 22
I can understand the dog doing it but what's up with the husband peeing on the floor?
KingSquisher 13
You probably need some rubber boots.
GabbyPLluch88 13
conspiracy indeed...
chewsef 17
All the good puns are taken.
savanah_aaron 14
You are not alone OP.
IorvethTheXolo 8
I could excuse the dog pee. Even the most well trained dogs can and will have accidents on occasion. If it's not housebroken, I am not going to assume he's poorly trained because you could easily be in the process of housebreaking, puppy or not. The husband though... My mom's ex-husband is one of those men. It is vile and disgusting and I am SO glad that, in nearly 6 years of marriage, I have found my husband's pee on the floor ONCE and I'm pretty sure it's because we were totally sozzled the night before. And I didn't even have to teach him that! Standing and peeing is no excuse for bad aim. Honestly, I think I would be willing to ask him to clean up after himself and improve his aim ONCE before I started using his clothes to clean it up myself. I can tolerate a lot of shit, but pissing all over the floor is NOT one of them.