Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML
Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he spank you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "My mom is SO awesome." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
log1k 3
what... the ****?
ohmygawdz 0
FYL because your mom thought you would know that.
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Comments (263)
nodbor 11
tell her to go get ****** in the ass to get the answer to here question.
Freaky_Darlings 0
That's pretty amazing. Good for her for being curious! XD
The_Dame 0
LOL! She rocks at life. FYL, but still. Funny.
msmil401 0
See this is exactly why I cannot open up to my mom. She thinks it's acceptable and amusing to say f*cked up sh!t like that to me too.
Islander_fml 5
Well, I was talking about "Eastern Promises," and my mom asked if Viggo Mortensen "bounced" during the infamous nude fight scene. But that wasn't embarrassing. In fact, I was amused by the question. (The answer, by the way, was "yes.")
xLovey 3
The most logical explanation is that your mum was contemplating buying a strap-on.
DekuLife 0
What the ****.....
16274692 0
HAHAHAHA. :']
Maatkare 0
so to clarify - im the OP and i yes #78 i am a girl. and a straight one at that. this one actually wasnt a joke. this really happened. and as for the many comments referring to the "reach around" i tried to explain that to my mom. and THAT'S when the hand motions came in b/c according to her there would be too much moving and uneven tempos involved to really appropriately complete said action...my mom is awesome. she cracks me up. and yes she does watch queer as folk...which is exactly what i thought might have brought up the question. never-the-less i didnt need to hear it, nor did i need to see her trying to explain how the reach around wouldnt work...im glad i could amuse some of you though! =)
Starfire99 0
Kudos for posting this :)
chocolat_chaud_fml 0
That is hilarious!! I don't think your life is ******, I think you're lucky to have such an open/hilarious mother!