Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
footballfreak65 6
That's horrible!!! I mean really clever but he's an ass.
that1guyyy 12
He really laid it it on you.
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Comments (123)
DaSandman 9
yes, because being popular is the most important thing in life, and people who aren't will never find love and wil die a lonely death...
Jordanln97 9
You could fake a pregnancy scare.
khriss_khriss 7
Omg that is sooo mean especially coming from ur dad wow. Im sorry u had to hear such a terrible thing.
ratorr2 23
Some people think being popular is everything when it really isn't. He would probably say the same thing about me. I have social anxiety and I'm an introvert, which means I'm not popular and I'm good with that. But guess what, I've been married to a wonderful woman for 18 years and have three kids.
Hellbound_Alleee 14
This will be a good story to tuck away and put in a book sometime. Maybe use in a stand-up routine. This is the only way I can possibly see being okay with this. You could also eventually prove him wrong. Dads can really suck sometimes.
missalice0306 19
This is when you tell him you're pregnant ;) Seriously though, don't listen to him.
twinkiefeets 17
Your dads an insensitive asshole
Rashida 2
dont listen to him being popular doesnt mean anything
SoultheWolf 19
I hate how people think popularity is so important. All throughout my school years, ever since I was little, I had only a handful of friends. I was bullied constantly for being unpopular. And through my High School years I was one of the few who was still a virgin when graduating. Not because I couldn't get laid but because I choose it. Now, only a few years from being out of HS I'm doing better then 99% of everyone in my grades, I'm engaged, and extremely happy. Ignore your father and continue to be who you are. One day you'll find someone who makes you happy. Don't fall for the peer pressure that you need to go out and have sex.
linnie_wesker 20
All the "popular" girls I went to high school with are now single mothers working dead end jobs at minimum wage. Be glad you're not popular, it probably means you'll go somewhere in life.