Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
footballfreak65 6
That's horrible!!! I mean really clever but he's an ass.
that1guyyy 12
He really laid it it on you.
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Comments (123)
mpalmiter 0
Sorry OP. That's harsh. Don't let his horrible comment put you in a rush to prove him wrong. You're prince charming will find you someday and I know if I were you, dad would not walk me down the aisle.
Ms_ValS 27
That really sucks. FYL
StanSmith2013 26
Your dad has some clever wit there and the nice use of an analogy as well :)
ThePrestige 12
When my dad once came to talk to me about the sex, I said "sure dad what do you want to know". *like a boss*
PseudoLink 1
It boggles my mind how some parents are so heartless. Or at least so indiscreet.
afropuffjake 9
That's just him being unable to hear the idea of his sweet little girl ever doing anything like that... It's the thought that counts =}
LittleGreenPaola 23
That sounds very mean... I wonder how could a father say something so terrible about his daughter!
macpabloBUCK 1
Well go up to your parents and tell them how you ended up ugly in the first place, genes!
Duceswild99 19
That line is too great. I will be using that in the near future!
ElishaisSexy2016 9
What an ass...