Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played the Rocky theme song on the stereo, and the other came up to me and said, "Daddy, let's go. We need you to drop about 15 pounds before you appear in front of all of our friends at our play." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked me up and down and said, "Well, you've got a looooong way to go." FML
Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML
Today, the school called my dad telling him they want to put me on a diet, because they're worried about my weight. FML
Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
Today, my parents came for a visit and spent the whole time pressuring me to ask my doctor for medication to lose weight. FML
Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML
Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML
Today, I attempted to give a motivational speech to my kids, trying to inspire them with life lessons. They then asked me why I couldn't "do a cartwheel like all the other parents" and challenged me to try. Now my back hurts, and I’m questioning my life choices. FML
Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
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Top comments
The_MMH 0
Then loose some weight. Dó it for your kids.
CallMeHush 1
awwwww, that is so cute. No more twinkees for you for a while tubby.
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Comments (99)
The_MMH 0
Then loose some weight. Dó it for your kids.
5t3ff1k4h 47
How does one 'loose' weight?
robertdr 0
the problem here is they pre-meditated weight-loss for there daddy, and u suspected nothing, murderous duo maybe or are they both gay?
cantfightfate 0
ah hahahaha!!! you're kids are awesome. thats adorable. in a kind of mean way but still.
perdix 31
5t3ff1k4h, How do you "loose" weight? With a knife. You can slice off a nice fat roll and set it loose much quicker that going through the hassle of "losing" it with diet and exercise. The uncontrollable bleeding and almost-certain infection make this an ill-advised option.
Einstein714 0
the kids are only thinking about their feelings not yours, show up drunk and introduce yourself as their father. that will show em
cantfightfate 0
hahaha 22-that's hilarious.
justsayfuck 5
Haha Perdix, I love your comments :)
karmaSUCKS321453 0
22 FTW
spaceboyftw 0
ur kids really talk like that? "appear?"
ladykat 0
How rude of your children!! I can't believe they are trying to peer pressure you like that! How selfish of them to want you to be healthy and live longer!!!
robotdancer 0
Aww thats so cute. Its not like they just called u fat and didn't try to motivate you. You should just go with the flow.
Massdebater 1
hey 11... how does one "lose" weight then? I've never woken up and gone "shit what did I do with my love handles last night?!"
BrittanyNicole83 0
lol 21 and 22. both are winners. lol
msyelowbubblegum 0
hha aww ur kids are soo sweet and cute!!! i hope mines will be like urs! but hopedully i wont be fat hehe
wheatie 0
perdix, I haven't seen you in forever. I missed your comments!(:
Snow_Daisy 7
60 FTW hahaha!
treesdevin 0
heyyy....kids are like drunks they speak the truth....yet....i still hate them with a passion
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
74: Scroll down once in awhile.
Alphreak 0
LOL
zendaddy0 0
dont take that from them punch those teeth right in the babies
QwertyMcNugget 0
Not gonna lie, that's so cute. XD
soonersbaby21 0
haha at least they're honest?
CallMeHush 1
awwwww, that is so cute. No more twinkees for you for a while tubby.
Nutz101 7
Now its no more twinkies at all
threer 30
:( Thanks for reminding me..
iTzBraille 0
haha well atleast they played the Ricky theme song:)
xtfauthorx 0
Ricky?
5t3ff1k4h 47
48, Ricky is a typo. They meant to type Rocky.
prncsivy 0
the Ricky song u k ow shake ur bom Bom shake ur Bom bom .... *win*
DiscountDJ25 0
Actually, there is a movie spinoff of Rocky, called Ricky. Needless to say, it is utter failure. But, it is most likely a typo.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Does this count as a Rick-roll? O.o
mdbrfc 0
haha mean but pretty funny
swimmerstud 7
kids say the darnest things!
BoCo_fml 9
Your kids are so clever!!
SinisterMedic 0
Haha! Best kids EVER!
swimmerstud 7
how does this song go? I wanna know now!
YUMMYFRENCHFRIES 16
I cracked up when I read this FML. Sorry but I just had to tell someone and didn't want my comment to end up on the 4th page
5t3ff1k4h 47
You know it's bad when even your kids tell you to lose weight.
pokri 0
your kids are smart... man up and lose 15 for them...
jonny2x4 0
"Eye of the Tiger">>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>"Gonna Fly Now"
ssskitlesss 0
you know it!!!