Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML
Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML
Today, I was leaving work when I realized I had forgotten my bag on my desk. As I went back to get it, I overheard my co-workers talking about "last night's office party." I wasn't invited. FML
Today, I was at a party when the cops showed up. They asked whether anyone had a gun, but I heard "fun" instead and raised my hand. I got searched. FML
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML
Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML
Today, I was at a club with my friends, when a group of guys approached us. It got quiet for a second, and I heard one of them say, "It's okay, I've got the fat one this time," then walk over and start talking to me. FML
Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML
Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, "Yeah, I thought so." They then turned around and beat the crap out of us. FML
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Top comments
pradip 26
Since everyone was drunk, remove the black jacket and pretend like someone else.
kakarot2 11
Ask your neighboring drunk buddy and tell him he looks cold and that you feel like being nice and let him borrow your jacket.
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Comments (60)
fenixtorador1 11
Time to make like a leaf.. And get the **** outta there! ****! Ass! (Cool points if you get the reference)
TheRandomIndian 17
I guess I'm hot
PenguinBitch 44
1- Grave Scotts!! It's make like a tree and LEAF.
oj101 33
Please leaf me alone.
funky303 6
nambla meeting on tv with lots of suicides coild follow
brittanywashere 14
So...did you leaf the party?
russfml 31
Boondock saints?
icadragoon 11
We have to get you a book of proverbs, this mix and match ***** got to go. :P
mkcontrollers 11
Biff said it from back to the future!
Enslaved 38
Hello? Anybody home ? Think, McFly!
etchsanity1 11
This one is not biff though lol completely Boondock saints old Irish bartender with Tourette's syndrome (**** ass) ... If you haven't seen this movie you need to go watch it and All Saints Day ... Awesome reference especially the commenter who left the proverb book quote...
poccocurantes 7
That is so weird, I just watched that movie last night. and it pops up in an FML this morning.
caysters 12
My boyfriend made me watch that movie. Said I couldn't live without seein it. Lol
killmoose 5
24, biff said "make like a tree and go away!"
pradip 26
Since everyone was drunk, remove the black jacket and pretend like someone else.
freshberries22 17
Exactly, if the black jacket is ops only identifier, then I suggest taking the jacket off and then pretend like you're looking for the guy in the black jacket too.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Turn the jacket inside out. Fresh Prince style.
lilhellian 27
If he takes it off then the zipper could get caught on his shirt and expose his manboobs.. Never know what drunken bastard might cop a feel..
pipinya 8
27 - solid referencing there
kakarot2 11
Ask your neighboring drunk buddy and tell him he looks cold and that you feel like being nice and let him borrow your jacket.
zolziski 11
Unless you're doing this to a guy who deserves an ass-kicking, or could totally kick the other guy's ass, this would be a seriously dick move.
HoleyColey 9
that's just cold
luke_bryan_fan 6
Did you do anything to him to make him want to beat your ass? If you did even taking off your jacket wouldn't help much he would still probably remember you.
oj101 33
Take your jacket off, and blend into the crowd. Chances are that if he remembered you by your attire and not name/looks then you have a fighting chance of getting out of the situation.
pipinya 8
A "fighting chance"? I see what you did there! Given that was intentional...
oj101 33
Hell yes, it was intentional pipinya :)
Kalipczo 21
Should have taken off the jacket and Just blended in with the crowd. Everyone was drunk so I doubt anyone would even notice lol
AholeCop 11
Use your talk-boy to warn the drunk he has ten seconds to get his ugly, yella, no-good keister off your property. Then play the sound of machine gun fire, he'll be heading for the hills.
dhooks111490 8
The hell??
anonymousguy1569_fml_fml 8
Just sit on a bench. There's no way he'll be able to detect you!
RoperGirl203 9
Assassins creed? Lol
Steffi 26
Take it off?
buckdharma 38
''I'm going to beat his Assassin's Creed score,'' is what you would have heard, if you would have stuck around. Damm op, don't be such a pussy.