Today, my husband has always been clumsy, but am I alone in thinking it takes a special level of clumsy to trip over while naked and land with his penis in the mouth of the village slut across the street. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML
Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML
Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML
Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML
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Top comments
Ashamed_Sister 60
He didn't cheat, he was just clumsy and tripped ... and this other woman tried to catch him with her mouth. Otherwise he might have scratched his knees.
Laurea Lindroos 8
Ex husband I hope? And please, can we stop calling other women *****? There’s nothing wrong with having a lot of sex, and to be fair, she’s not the one who cheated. Your (ex) husband did, and he even has the audacity to make it sound like he didn’t do anything wrong.
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Comments (11)
Laurea Lindroos 8
Ex husband I hope? And please, can we stop calling other women *****? There’s nothing wrong with having a lot of sex, and to be fair, she’s not the one who cheated. Your (ex) husband did, and he even has the audacity to make it sound like he didn’t do anything wrong.
raven_of_azarath 35
But if a man has sex with a lot of women, he’s praised. It’s called a double standard. Either we shame men as well for having sex or stop shaming women.
Monaca_Towa 7
I mean, I assume the woman might’ve known he was married. Makes both of them horrible tbh
CrazyV 22
While we shouldn't be **** shaming, this woman lives across the street from OP, obviously knowing they were married. Village **** she is if she's knowingly sleeping with married men.
Ashamed_Sister 60
He didn't cheat, he was just clumsy and tripped ... and this other woman tried to catch him with her mouth. Otherwise he might have scratched his knees.
bloopaloop 27
Very nice of her!
RichardPencil 32
You were lucky that the woman with the jeans with the worn-out knees caught his dick-cheesed penis before it hit the nasty, moist floor and you can’t play with it after a night of heavy drinking like a gay werebear at the circus!
zelda1324 13
Wow I was not expecting this FML to end like this, sorry OP. 🙁
smarterass 6
That depends. How many times did he have to trip before he made it across the street?
Sonotsuave 37
I don’t even wanna say anything except sorry and get a divorce lawyer and my mom’s right that 90% of men think with their other head
Britt2050 8
Do you have to call her the village ****? Sorry your husband cheated with her but that's no reason to be derogatory and rude to her(okay well, if she knew he was married you kind of have the right to tell her to **** off at least, maybe you can be a bit rude but being derogatory because she likes sex is not cool). The amount of people who call a woman a **** simply because they're pissed off and not because she actually sleeps with a lot of men is appalling. I don't know if that's the case, if she's only slept with your husband and you're pissed off, or if she truly sleeps around a lot. But honestly, that's her business and her choice that she's free to make. And calling her a **** for it is just immature.
Nico711 17
What the hell happened here?
Sadgurl64 10
I have always said you just dont trip and fall into a ******