Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML
Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML
Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML
Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Once we were cool, we decided to have makeup sex. I tried to change position so we could 69, but I then accidently kicked him in the head. He thinks I did it on purpose. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML
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Top comments
MagnusDeus 24
Seems a little harsh to knee your wife in the face. Even if it was almost butt penetration.
Sandsh8rk 36
I guess he really didn't want to do it in the butt, in the butt.
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Comments (100)
syki 22
He shouldn't have assumed.
Love_L0ST 13
It depends on if the wife has ever talked about it before if she had I would be freaked out too
DoomedGemini 38
I'd hope if you told her you don't even like the thought of it that she wouldn't even try.
crudeandrudeguy 29
Unless she had a shit eating grin on her face...
PePziNL 20
Please tell me you made that pun on purpose
syki 22
@ 63 I did, but I don't think most people noticed. :P
VonBlitzkrieg 27
Or in this case... ASSumed I'll show myself out.
MagnusDeus 24
Seems a little harsh to knee your wife in the face. Even if it was almost butt penetration.
happysmile987 24
How was it going to be butt penetration of OP is a woman? Unless OP is a man, I guess that would make more sense. But still, I'm confused. I'm on the mobile version so I can't see the gender of OP
lurker_no_more 13
@6, fingers and/or tongue for example is something that both genders usually have ;)
happysmile987 24
#7 I guess that makes sense, but I don't think he should have knee'd her in the face for it
FSGInsainity 15
#6 I see gender on mobile
Malsain_fml 10
I don't think he did it on purpose, I am pretty sure that the surprise/fear led him to react in the moment rising one leg or bending them uncontrollably.
Tripartita 45
#9, it's clear #7 isn't justifying the husband's reaction; he's just explaining how anal penetration is possible regardless of sex.
tomvertigo 17
#6 -you can. It's the symbol representing gender next to OPs name.
happysmile987 24
#23 I understand but I was just saying it conclusively. But yeah, thanks everyone. I'm still confused, so if there's an icon next to OP's name does that mean they are female? Because for me not all of the names have the icons next to it. On this FML, there is an icon but other ones there is nothing.
DoomedGemini 38
On my phone I see shoulder up silhouette like images, long hair is female and short hair is male. Not all will have them. There can also be the gender symbols I believe.
happysmile987 24
Ooh that makes sense. Thanks #46!
alphasmartass93 21
Also some pictures will be bordered pink for female and blue for male-
HoboMeth 36
Black Eye Down!
Sandsh8rk 36
I guess he really didn't want to do it in the butt, in the butt.
I_Like_Dogs 28
OP: *knees down* Boyfriend: "What what?"
SuperLemon99 9
Sorry to hear that OP, I'm sure it was an accident!
Namelesskid 5
Butt-er luck next time
Grisha_fml 18
LMFAO!
corky1992 33
What were you doing for him to think you were going for his butt? You'd think it'd be pretty obvious what you were going for.
JMichael 26
She had that shit eatin grin on her face.
bstarqueen 16
13... Why... *groan*
jgriff79 23
Maybe the ***** in her hand had something to do with it.
bad_boyfriend 10
Pssh dude doesn't know what he is missing. If she wants to get wifed up, she better eat it like groceries.
weatherxveins 29
She's already wifed up..
crackfetus420 12
People on this app seem to have a hard time taking a joke
badbitch23 15
I don't think it's wise to take advice from someone with the name bad boyfriend
thisguy22 33
That was advice? I'm not even totally sure what he said...
bad_boyfriend 10
Yeah, but my girlfriend eats the ass. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
hman1025 17
Ok, "badbitch23".
Distantsoul 8
What angle did you go to make him think that you were going for his bum :s like seriously this makes no sense
PuppiesKisses 19
Did you do something or did something happen in the past to cause such a harsh reaction? Should tell him he'll never get head again if that's his reaction for no logical reason.