Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, I received a call from my husband of 10 years from prison. He sobbed on the phone as he explained to me that his anger got the best of him, and couldn’t control himself. He beat the pulp out of a classmate of his for declining a date with him, and sent her to the hospital. FML
Today, my husband came home with tears in his eyes. I ran and asked him why he was crying. He said he wasn't, but he finally admitting to talking to a woman in a bar who, when she noticed his wedding ring, sprayed him with mace. FML
Today, my husband came home and groped my ass, so I tossed cold water into his face to make him back off. He's now acting like I sprayed him with toxic acid waste now. What a baby. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML
Today, I tried to talk to my soon-to-be-husband about how he needs to take a more active approach in his own life. It devolved to him screaming at me and putting words in my mouth. This has been going on for six months. FML
Today, my soon-to-be-ex husband threw an epic tantrum, with crying, snotty nose, throwing himself on the floor, grabbing me by my feet, begging me not to leave him, and that he’s “so sorry” after I confronted him about the sexts and nudes he’s been sending to another woman. FML
Today, there was a knock at my door, and I was greeted by a punch to the face. The man was the extremely angry "fiancé" of the girl I've been married to for just over a year. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML
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Top comments
Tempuser117 2
Rule #2 Double Tap. Might want to punch him again just in case.
redbluegreen 41
I have no idea on how to respong either.
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Comments (92)
BieberBlastHA 2
woah =O lol
iamironman97 0
why the **** was she sobbing?
meganasoarus 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
hahahaha I love this. your husband is a puss, though. shouldn't have married him.
sloppyflow 1
oh whoa. I don't see what her husband has done wrong that deserve a punch. and she started sobbing? idk :S
dachayke 16
Read it again, idiot.
danielle25 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
imagine what you did to your zombie husband imagine what you would do to your vampire husband
cabbitt 0
Imagine you learned to punctuate.
whoareyou13 0
Lolol that was a definite win!
azhein 0
why would she need to imagine what she did to her zombie husband? she already did it.
Val0 17
You sound dumb.
redbluegreen 41
I have no idea on how to respong either.
perdix 31
He's a shitty zombie -- zombies don't run, they have this ridiculous stiff-legged walk. He deserves a nut punch for perverting the zombie concept.
The_Creeper_fml 8
Zombies can run. But only after the nut punch. Maybe she was preemptive?
ferrettamer 6
Obviously you haven't played nazi zombies.
sev770 0
left for dead? those zombies are fast as ****!
AmericanGirl69 0
Looks like someone hasn't played Call of Duty Nazi zombies.
fml98kevin 4
im with the 3 upper comments ^^^
xXMudkipNoobXx 7
they could run, you idiot. Ever watch zombieland?
yusaku02 20
You KNOW what you can do to make it up to him... Hop to it!
ninofrank 0
Wow you fist deep in this sitiuation
incomple 0
HIGHFIVE!
BREADEDELF 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well you just responged, so you did know what to say :P
FlashBurn 13
He's really pathetic. He should have known what it would do to you in the first place and what might happen. Tell him to man up and grow a pair.
Whydoyouask 11
I know right! Everyone should know exactly how their significant other will react if you act like a zombie. Because punching and crying its completely normal. I thought that was common knowledge... smh.
Mirorbo 27
He had it coming, darling, and if he wants to use the 'domestic violence' card as he cries about it in the corner, it might be about time to check if those balls of his are genuine.
starile 20
Maybe it wasn't a reflex punch, but an anger punch after she screamed and saw he was just playing around. They need to talk over what is appropriate behavior around each other. Then hump like rabbits.