Today, my husband finally revealed that he's been secretly buying a particular brand of spicy chicken, eating it on his way home from work. He does it because it makes his farts smell just the way he likes it under the duvet when we go to bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a car air freshener on his desk, because it "keeps my farts away from his air." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML
Today, I made a pot of chili. My wife came home, sniffed the air, and said, "You're sleeping in the guest room until you eat all that chili. You fart like a trucker and I can't sleep." FML
Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML
Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML
Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML
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Top comments
Psycocharger 19
What did I just read...?
XxNekoLovexX 26
Well that's vile. Spray him with Liquid Ass and see if he likes that
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Comments (60)
NYGiants1925 22
Umm... Alright then.
SublimeChic4 15
Why are dudes so DISGUSTING!?!?!?
faeryofshalott 25
I don't know whether this is gross because your husband is constantly farting in bed or if it's romantic because he is trying to make his farts smell good... Either way it sounds like something my husband would do.
kohcoldnut 6
haha that's actually kinda funny. he must feel really comfortable around you to do that. :)
soulreaper12296 28
Ummm, what the hell did I just read?
TheLastCenturion 19
Good heavens, you've married a colossal ******* idiot.
thembz_ 3
Lol that's very funny ???
samlovesham1234 9
I thank God that my husband hasn't thought of this. But then again, he knows that if he tried this, I'd smack him upside the head.
saraaa2552 15
That is the most odd thing I have ever read
ThrottleJockey 36
You must be new here.
shooterstb 3
I totally get him, I think my farts smell like roses!