Today, my husband finally revealed that he's been secretly buying a particular brand of spicy chicken, eating it on his way home from work. He does it because it makes his farts smell just the way he likes it under the duvet when we go to bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a car air freshener on his desk, because it "keeps my farts away from his air." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML
Today, I made a pot of chili. My wife came home, sniffed the air, and said, "You're sleeping in the guest room until you eat all that chili. You fart like a trucker and I can't sleep." FML
Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML
Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML
Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML
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Top comments
Psycocharger 19
What did I just read...?
XxNekoLovexX 26
Well that's vile. Spray him with Liquid Ass and see if he likes that
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Comments (60)
captainsmegma 12
But you didn't say the farts smell bad.
Mysterious_one 26
Pure genius
Richard6036 13
Nasty, I'm wondering why he hasn't played pull my finger yet.
freddygasman 18
who says he hasn't? this is natural progression from pull my finger, you can escape that but in the middle of the night sound asleep there is no escape.
bustyou 15
Nice
olpally 33
Disturbing... Yikes. Just eat some crazy food and fart back... That might get him to stop.
countryb_cth 38
Or it will start a never ending fart war that rages on in the family for generations.
ThePez828 18
I just don't understand people sometimes. My husband also lost the idea of trying to be attractive. He does unnecessarily gross things too. It drives me crazy.
zobara 29
Tell him not to be so selfish and bring you some chicken too. Your farts will smell as he likes it and he will fall in love again!
Dune1988 18
That is a devoted man.
Dictionaryspeaks 18
That's quagmire!!!! He's quagmire !quagmire !quagmire quagmire!! Giggity
nickie_94 18
Hahahaha that's brilliant! You definitely need to get revenge.