Today, my husband finally revealed that he's been secretly buying a particular brand of spicy chicken, eating it on his way home from work. He does it because it makes his farts smell just the way he likes it under the duvet when we go to bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a car air freshener on his desk, because it "keeps my farts away from his air." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML
Today, I made a pot of chili. My wife came home, sniffed the air, and said, "You're sleeping in the guest room until you eat all that chili. You fart like a trucker and I can't sleep." FML
Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML
Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML
Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML
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Top comments
Psycocharger 19
What did I just read...?
XxNekoLovexX 26
Well that's vile. Spray him with Liquid Ass and see if he likes that
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Comments (60)
colton_colton 50
Maybe he should sleep on the couch for a bit
Badkarma4u 17
Maybe she should. If shes the one that's unhappy..
ShowMeKay 20
40 - So you'd be happy intentionally having to inhale smelly farts in a regular basis? Normal people aren't happy about that.
ww431 15
Go to war!
beeferjay 34
egg salad and ribs...
freddygasman 18
if you're lactose intolerant, a warm glass of milk will help you sleep
ThrottleJockey 36
Beer, eggs, milk, and broccoli.
O0hdear 21
He's put way too much thought into that
everythingelena 28
you might wanna grab some Febreeze OP just in case it gets bad.
XxNekoLovexX 26
Well that's vile. Spray him with Liquid Ass and see if he likes that
Psycocharger 19
What did I just read...?
teentee401 37
"Today, my husband finally revealed that he's been secretly buying a particular brand of spicy chicken, eating it on his way home from work. He does it because it makes his farts smell just the way he likes it under the duvet when we go to bed. FML" Does that clear things up?
shay_serendipity 29
That clears up the FML, but unfortunately for OP it does not clear the air under those sheets..
LadyKayDee 23
One would assume that he ate the chicken because he liked it.
Skycop_S 23
No, it's not because he likes the chicken, he just wants spicy chicken farts.
truckers_wife 23
so he'd rather push you away with daily stinky gas than make himself presentable? obviously if you're married you'll see each others ugly sides occasionally but that doesn't mean you should stop trying.
Dick_diamond 22
He should lock himself in the closet after eating that chicken so he can smell them for a long time..
Calingaladha 21
I think he might be planning a Dutch oven assault. Be wary, OP.