Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML
Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML
Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML
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Top comments
laurensauren 9
It was small enough to fit in your ear AND wiggle around?
MelissaRoo2 6
Put laxatives in his food.
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Comments (154)
secretsymbiote21 5
Kinky.
traveler_ghost 12
fart in his ear when he's asleep
MrPlopper 9
Queff in his ear instead
secretsymbiote21 5
Dont fart in his ear. thats how you get pink eye haha
CharresBarkrey 16
Pink eye has nothing to do with your ears.
perdix 31
The OP went to the otolaryngologist and he said,"My, you have an enormous ear hole! My, you have an enormous ear hole!" She said, "I know, but you didn't have to say it twice." He replied, "I didn't."
imhope 23
I love all your comments! They always make me laugh(:
hornyrabbit12 8
Haha he's awesome
Enslaved 38
Bet you didn't hear him cuming.
secretsymbiote21 5
hey that was from predator. @perdix
danaavery 5
You can just reply to his comment instead of making a new one.
danaavery 5
But he says he's been reading FMLs since he can remember. Just tryin to jog his memory.
perdix 31
No, the original version of that joke is much older than that. Switching otolaryngologist for gynecologist, and ear hole for ****** is original, I believe.
donnie111 12
Did it fit in your ear?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
So if you wear ear plugs your husband will cease to exist? Wicked...
AliSama 17
first the guy who did this to grab his wife's attention now this. Are people going mad?