Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML
Today, I officially became a divorced marriage counselor. FML
Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML
Today, I had a job interview with a world-renowned forensic psychologist, and it fits my degree perfectly. He didn't want to hire me, but he'd like me to return as a patient. FML
Today, the person who signs off on my work asked me to change numbers on a federal report, saying my logic didn't make sense. They have a bachelor's degree in education. I have two graduate degrees in math and computer science. FML
Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML
Today, my husband told me the hottest thing I'd ever done was when he pranked me, saying he was in legal trouble, and I told him what to do to stay out of jail. As he put it, I'm "a sexy Saul Goodman." FML
Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax. How about we get married?” FML
Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML
Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML
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Top comments
ironhead_fml 20
The truth hurts sometimes.
wannabesinger 16
All throughout middle and high school, my guidance counselors told me I would never be a vet tech, I wasn't smart enough, and "oh well my son thought he wanted to be one too and then he got bit by a dog so you'll change your mind!" Now that I'm in vet tech school I want nothing more than to revisit them and shove it in their face. Tell me I can't do something, and I'll show you I can.
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Comments (82)
ironhead_fml 20
The truth hurts sometimes.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Honestly, guidance councilors aren't much help.
BigLatchZatch 14
Really couldn't agree more.
teentee401 37
Funny, my guidance counselor has always been pretty helpful to me. Sounds like I'm the only one? :/
NatsuD_fml 13
She must be new not to realize what her profession actually does.
NeatNit 33
> assuming it's a woman
Dumbledora 9
You're not alone. My guidance counselor was super helpful. She gave me a clear plan to achieve the career I was interested in back then. Told me all the classes I needed to take, where the most jobs were available, etc. Hell, she was more helpful than anyone in my university.
Axipiter 24
My guidance counselor only told us "everybody wears different hats". Then, to drive his point home, he brought a bunch of hats with him and changed them periodically during his presentation. So that was helpful...
chloewj 15
I don't know why #57 is getting thumbed down so much. It is incorrect to assume that OP is a woman given that there are no pronouns or gender markers given in the post. The only indication identifying OP is the fact that this took place in New York State where people of any gender may marry.
KiwiFrutie 15
ouch
DanShowsNoMercy 13
More like exposing people to reality, in a brutal way.
okay33 12
Have you "murdered his dreams" in the past?
RedPillSucks 33
Dreams of getting a ********
ComoEsJuan 24
Guide your fist to counsel his nuts.
OhWhoCares 42
Bit of an overreaction don't you think?
LunarServant 10
I honestly have to agree
alex_622 22
You didn't know that was another name for a guidance counselor?
blueblu97 16
Basically
wannabesinger 16
All throughout middle and high school, my guidance counselors told me I would never be a vet tech, I wasn't smart enough, and "oh well my son thought he wanted to be one too and then he got bit by a dog so you'll change your mind!" Now that I'm in vet tech school I want nothing more than to revisit them and shove it in their face. Tell me I can't do something, and I'll show you I can.
Mathametic 14
Afraid you're going to get a lot of stupid comments along the lines of "I bet you can't post nudes" I apologize on their behalf in advance.
deviking 10
Never once Senn those comments before but go on #9 I'm a believer that you can do anything if you try hard enough I personally want to e a marine biologist I feel the same way no one is goon I say no to my dream and I'm glad your following through you should go back and shove your vet diploma In there face
AnOriginalName 19
15, the difference between you and #9 is that she can communicate in intelligible English.
deviking 10
I'm so sorry Im bad at typing plus autocorrect was a bad combo
cadillacgal79 32
I feel bad for the people who have/had terrible counsellors. Mine (from what I've heard through the grapevine) are really good.
tournamentdecide 33
My school's counselors don't even care and are unintelligible. They'd probably be confused at half the words I use, and they aren't even very fancy.
KaneHunter 22
I couldn't agree more! Congratulations by the way :)
BSnapZ 21
It sounds like they actually managed to be great guidance counselors (albeit inadvertantly). They provided extra motivation!
JerryThePenguin 4
Autocorrect doesn't make you shut at spelling. It turns the gibberish you write into actual words. You had a bad education from the internet. Lay off it for a while.
spam45 2
You can't send me pictures of your boobs, 9208194310
almightyteapot 8
I just saw my middle school guidance councelor yesterday for the first time since he told me that I'm not going to be able to get into the high school I wanted to get into. Well guess what asshat who made me cry infront of him, I just graduated from that said high school earlier this year.
deviking 10
I said I was bad at typing than auto correct corrected it wrong so I didn't notice the errors then couldn't edit it no news to be a jerk
Daniel_A_Bass 11
I couldn't help but notice that your name is wannabesinger
GentlemanBastard 15
My guidance counselor said "Rockstar" is not a profession, and I should choose something more realistic. Turns out she was right, at least for me, but she still killed my dreams.
PrimeEvilTahir 24
Rockstar may not be a profession but musician is. Just like racer is not a profession but driver is.
PoisonOrchid 21
She's only right if you let her be #10. You can still be a rockstar. Maybe your audience and venue have changed a little, but hey, who is she to judge?! Anyway, as long as you're happy.
Martnikk 15
Some dreams are made to be killed while others supported
dvgomer 15
Anyone notice the spelling of counselor?
ksks1234 33
I think it is the British spelling.