Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML
Today, I officially became a divorced marriage counselor. FML
Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML
Today, I had a job interview with a world-renowned forensic psychologist, and it fits my degree perfectly. He didn't want to hire me, but he'd like me to return as a patient. FML
Today, the person who signs off on my work asked me to change numbers on a federal report, saying my logic didn't make sense. They have a bachelor's degree in education. I have two graduate degrees in math and computer science. FML
Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML
Today, my husband told me the hottest thing I'd ever done was when he pranked me, saying he was in legal trouble, and I told him what to do to stay out of jail. As he put it, I'm "a sexy Saul Goodman." FML
Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax. How about we get married?” FML
Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML
Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML
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Top comments
ironhead_fml 20
The truth hurts sometimes.
wannabesinger 16
All throughout middle and high school, my guidance counselors told me I would never be a vet tech, I wasn't smart enough, and "oh well my son thought he wanted to be one too and then he got bit by a dog so you'll change your mind!" Now that I'm in vet tech school I want nothing more than to revisit them and shove it in their face. Tell me I can't do something, and I'll show you I can.
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Comments (82)
StanSmith2013 26
You may need to apply some cold water to those burns. Sorry to hear that OP!
AcidicNerdyChick 6
Well you obviously cant handle the truth.
iAshelle 11
Wow that was nice .
klenorris 15
Ha! The truth at its best!
maggiefox 25
You went to school to learn to murder students dreams?! :o
mld4657 28
Isa_fml 20
*cackling* I'm sorry, I'm sure you're very good at your job, but that was pretty funny.
shine999 12
You have one hellaluva funny husband!
Bubblez2009 15
If you r a school counsellor then it is the correct title for u.... Cuz normally that's wat they are good at
DJSam909 8
That's fine, OP. I'm a huge EDM fan!