Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML
Today, I officially became a divorced marriage counselor. FML
Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML
Today, I had a job interview with a world-renowned forensic psychologist, and it fits my degree perfectly. He didn't want to hire me, but he'd like me to return as a patient. FML
Today, the person who signs off on my work asked me to change numbers on a federal report, saying my logic didn't make sense. They have a bachelor's degree in education. I have two graduate degrees in math and computer science. FML
Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML
Today, my husband told me the hottest thing I'd ever done was when he pranked me, saying he was in legal trouble, and I told him what to do to stay out of jail. As he put it, I'm "a sexy Saul Goodman." FML
Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax. How about we get married?” FML
Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML
Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML
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Top comments
ironhead_fml 20
The truth hurts sometimes.
wannabesinger 16
All throughout middle and high school, my guidance counselors told me I would never be a vet tech, I wasn't smart enough, and "oh well my son thought he wanted to be one too and then he got bit by a dog so you'll change your mind!" Now that I'm in vet tech school I want nothing more than to revisit them and shove it in their face. Tell me I can't do something, and I'll show you I can.
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Comments (82)
vikky538 29
to take this to next level give your business card to tax professional... no words after that...
johbstonjacob 8
ez husband*
okay33 12
** ex
ksks1234 33
If she divorced him over something like that, she really would be a dream murderer.
SmoothPancakes 10
If someone divorces someone over that, then A: They're a retard. B: The "sanctity" of marriage that anti-gay marriage people always hype on really is nothing but fantasy bullshit.
cryssycakesx3 23
the divorce rate is so high because nitwits like this actually split up over these things.
johbstonjacob 8
that was the point of the comment. i guess it only made sense to me lol
Khaleesi_26 30
thats cold. the gc's i know have helped many ppl get to where they want to go. im sure youre great at your job OP :).
cryssycakesx3 23
should have guided you to spelling and counseled you you in punctuation...
Khaleesi_26 30
i didnt day that i was guided by any. And using abrevations doesn't mean i have bad spelling.
christian1509 21
I mean he's not wrong
christian1509 21
I'm just kidding haha, your husband was just cracking a joke don't let it get you down. I know a few peoples whose lives have been changed because of people like you, so thank you!
laden_swallow09 35
Punctuation. Use it. Please.
munchie_omnom 10
For most part guidance councillors are full of crap. Hopefully you're not one of the many
worldclassrager 41
Freddy Kruger is back
Ieri 31
I have ads for "Dream Killers", maybe an ad like that showed up for him and he thought he could use it xD
maharb01 17
has your husband ever discovered you trying to find the perfect dozen of eggs at kwik-stop in Jersey?
Nyarlothatep 12
She was at it for, like, 20 minutes..
IvyOswin 17
Guidance counselors sometimes help by being the person to prove wrong. In high school, I was told by my guidance counselor that I wouldn't make a career in ballet. Now I teach ballet and her daughter is one of my students.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I bet that's awkward for her.
Ichiya 29
Guidence counselors aren't there to tell you yes or no you can't do this career. They guide you. Using your example they would say ballet is a difficult profession to get into and then give you other options that fit your interests. These options would have a better chance for you to get a job and make a decent amount of money. Sure you made it in ballet but maybe only 3% of people going into ballet get jobs and that is what they wanted to point out.
spamhands1 18
Lol but true dat