Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML
Today, I officially became a divorced marriage counselor. FML
Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML
Today, I had a job interview with a world-renowned forensic psychologist, and it fits my degree perfectly. He didn't want to hire me, but he'd like me to return as a patient. FML
Today, the person who signs off on my work asked me to change numbers on a federal report, saying my logic didn't make sense. They have a bachelor's degree in education. I have two graduate degrees in math and computer science. FML
Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML
Today, my husband told me the hottest thing I'd ever done was when he pranked me, saying he was in legal trouble, and I told him what to do to stay out of jail. As he put it, I'm "a sexy Saul Goodman." FML
Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax. How about we get married?” FML
Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML
Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML
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Top comments
ironhead_fml 20
The truth hurts sometimes.
wannabesinger 16
All throughout middle and high school, my guidance counselors told me I would never be a vet tech, I wasn't smart enough, and "oh well my son thought he wanted to be one too and then he got bit by a dog so you'll change your mind!" Now that I'm in vet tech school I want nothing more than to revisit them and shove it in their face. Tell me I can't do something, and I'll show you I can.
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Comments (82)
Zen_Clark 3
I have a boss who needed his dream killed and slapped with reality. Some people continue even years after high school whose greatest ambition is "becoming a professional athlete," even though they couldn't even make it into college. Realism a day helps keep retail jobs away.
Witchylady 18
Well guidance counsellers can be seen as murdering people's dreams. Especially if working at a high school. They have a tendency to suck out the ambition and inform people to be more practical. Well when I went to high school years ago our school counseller often trod on many a students career dreams.
KeyserSoze79 18
My guidance counselor was useless too. That said, you determine your own path in this life and passing the buck is just an excuse. I applaud those motivated by what others said they could not / will not ever be!
mld4657 28
I would so ask the same thing :)
FatedHercules 3
I am taking extremely advanced Math and Science courses to become an Aeronautical Engineer. After I told my counselor, she told me that there is no such thing. Really?!?
paperplanes_xoxo 13
Don't worry, bud. My councilors are really great, so they can't all be dream murderers.
stupidface15 16
if u said no than u basically were crushing his dream! lol
wilish 1
Professional dream killer sounds better I think.
LexiD19 26
Honestly, it's a pretty accurate name. My counselor always tries making me be more practical with my dreams, telling me that they're not going to happen.
jetsfan204 4
He meant his