Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML
Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML
Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking Gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML
Today, I was at the gym, well intent on trying a new workout class. I was the only person in the class and the instructor was clearly disappointed. He reluctantly gave me the class but I could tell he was hating the whole experience. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I went to court-mandated anger management. The guy running the class was an insufferable little dweeb who wasted time teaching us fucking nursery rhymes. I wanted to break his stupid little nerd glasses. Everything about him makes me mad. FML
Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML
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Top comments
higgysaurus 18
That gym teacher has some great ideas.
Tripartita 45
Listening to insane rambling > gym class Or maybe I'm just a lazy ass.
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Comments (137)
AkBunny907 18
How is this a FML? I'm pretty sure his opinion effects you in zero ways other than maybe being annoyed.
Gr3gory_fml 10
Why tho?
Rented_eyebrows 18
Not why!
kaitlynjane 28
Because REASONS.
Tripartita 45
Listening to insane rambling > gym class Or maybe I'm just a lazy ass.
LilMissCanadian 22
No, you're not alone there. no class > class No matter what.
ncbb5 18
Hey! I moderated this and I told you no! Bad FML! Bad!
Livin_Like_Larry 29
Why did this even get featured? It's not really an FML at all
Miss_Chevious 37
Surely your gym teacher meant Colosseum ?
JHPugh 19
Well that does seem a bit fishy.. Hopefully he doesn't find himself in that situation, otherwise he may change his opibion
IamHercules 24
Why would he find himself on death row?
IronMan_Mk43 20
He could just murder a shitton of people
Lalala579121 28
While being drunk.
Shadowvoid 33
I mean that does sound pretty entertaining... Also, how insensitive OP, he only drinks on the weekends, it's his sporadic drug usage that you have to look out for.
higgysaurus 18
That gym teacher has some great ideas.
Eyalsh 32
the idea is very similar to george carlin's "4 groups that have to go" look for it on youtube. one of his best bits in my opinion
tayyymeds 16
I second the notion
Loliology 10
Deadman Wonderland anyone?
locustbb 9
I'm with ya here
olivia1196 2
That's a great idea though. And the one who wins doesn't have to die!
awildwhisper 30
hunger games :p
Brandi_Faith 34
Tell him they already did that once at the real coliseum, they were called Gladiators, and it turned out pretty bad for everyone.
Kielnmsoftly 26
Those were slaves though, not just prisoners. It wouldn't be bad if it was people who were already sentenced to death.
MasterTron 24
That's it we need the THUNDERDOME!!! Two inmates enter one inmate leaves!
Lalala579121 28
34, But it didn't turn out bad for everyone. It turned out quite good for everyone but the gladiators. Don't believe everything Mel Gibson does.
superwh00 10
maybe that wouldn't be the best idea, because the winner mercilessly slaughtered most of the other inmates...
GiddywithGlee43 9
well yeah except that's like really illegal. Like way breaking international laws.
Lalala579121 28
But this is America. International laws don't apply to us.
soulebelius 17
I'm sorry, but I don't want the King of Death Row to be walking around in my civilization!