Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss told me to fire the unstable, former military, gun nut employee. He's been making death threats to his supervisors. FML
Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML
Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML
Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML
Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML
Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
Today, I overheard my boss talking about me on the phone. Turns out he was drunk off his ass when he gave the go-ahead to hire me, and he's now searching for any excuse to legally fire me. FML
Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML
Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML
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Top comments
HandaPitler 1
Write him a note and sign it with your bosses name
ShannyAK 16
I get why your boss wants you to fire him, but that's not fair
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Comments (68)
ShannyAK 16
I get why your boss wants you to fire him, but that's not fair
fishstick557 14
I forget who told me but it was a buddy who was in your situation I think he had like bodyguards or police with him I can't remember but your safety is priority in this situation. Good luck OP
AKGirlinSD 20
I thought the HR person does the firing, with the boss present. At least, that's how it has always been done at every job I've worked at. The boss is a coward, shows lack of leadership skills, and appears to be a pussy. Good luck OP!
manaallovesfmls 19
Tell your boss that he's the one who should be firing people. It's not your responsibility. FYL
p36288 17
Then his boss might fire him right away
xNephilim 19
It could very well be OP's responsibility. Most places have different departments. OP could be a manager of one and that would make it their responsibility to fire people under them.
waffule365 16
My boss has made me fire people too and its not in my job description but you gotta do what the boss says.
HandaPitler 1
Write him a note and sign it with your bosses name
daniel_dd31 13
Include his address as well. Wait... is that going to far.
octopussperm125 18
Not at all, maybe include a phone number too just in case he's not home, u can track 'em down!
laya_fml 26
That's when you say you tried to convince your boss to keep him, and because you stood up for him you have to fire him. Blame the boss and run.
greenie213 23
Get a gun and fire him from at least twenty feet away.
sarah6786 14
or have greenie take him down for you.
fmlyaya 4
I hope he doesn't shoot the messenger.
chanellgymnast 17
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife!
HaneenDixon 16
More like, hide yo self!
andyyroxx 20
I have Cthulhu's number. He's busy these days but he may consider it.
GracesDelirium 9
I shot him an email, he says he's free next Tuesday. I'll need your name, address, bank, and social security number, OP.
andyyroxx 20
Email - you're brilliant! His fax machine and pager are out of commission.
picante72 24
Tell him through voicemail or email 5 mintues before you get off work. Then get in your car and take a trip far out of town for the weekend.
Shmatterhorn 38
Problem is that the idiot boss might make it into a permanent vacation. I do not envy OP's position.
DocBastard 40
Steroids shrinks your balls, so he literally won't have the balls to attack you. Either that or he'll have a huge 'roid rage explosion and grind you into pulp.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
I did steroids once. They're those tgings where you butter down wooden stairs and try to walk down them without falling, correct?