Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML
Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML
Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking Gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML
Today, I was at the gym, well intent on trying a new workout class. I was the only person in the class and the instructor was clearly disappointed. He reluctantly gave me the class but I could tell he was hating the whole experience. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I went to court-mandated anger management. The guy running the class was an insufferable little dweeb who wasted time teaching us fucking nursery rhymes. I wanted to break his stupid little nerd glasses. Everything about him makes me mad. FML
Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML
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Top comments
higgysaurus 18
That gym teacher has some great ideas.
Tripartita 45
Listening to insane rambling > gym class Or maybe I'm just a lazy ass.
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Comments (137)
A07 48
Just make sure you don't get caught skipping gym class OP
higgysaurus 18
Do they put you on death row for skipping gym?
jonomc 12
Or is skipping in gym?
08zw 19
anndddd that's why he's a gym teacher....
I_own_a_dog 11
Realize being a gym teacher still requires 4 years of college right? At least at the high school I graduated from and that was public school
SystemofaBlink41 27
Exactly. It's not like the jobs are available to any quack that stumbles through the doors. They still choose quacks from time to time, though, but my point still stands.
APHPrussia 19
This is why he's a gym teacher, OP, and not something else. He's probably in a midlife crisis. Anyway, don't you hate it when a fat gym teacher rants over you running the mile in only 8:30 minutes instead 7:00?
LivToFail 28
Our gym teacher is like a bloody 5 foot ninja arnold Schwarzenegger, I tried to race him into the school building, and I run a 7 minute mile. He beat me after doing 2 backflips off the wall. Sometimes, the ultra fit teacher sucks too. This one runs us hard at his pace saying "you're young, if you cant do this your lazy". (not hating btw, just sharing a story I guess)
GoldenSteve 11
He also beat up a kid that was on his rod smokeing dope like an inch from death lol
Lalala579121 28
On the teacher's rod (I hope you mean hot rod not some other kind of rod) or the student's? If it was the teacher's then the beating was justified in my opinion.
burnsky 10
Sounds great to me. Have rapists and murderers have at it and let us make bets on the last one standing.
AC98 19
Y tf do the top comments have nothing but dislikes?
evank98 10
Is it weird that I would definitely watch that?
brycemash 9
Sounds like a crappy teacher.
backdoorman010 9
sounds like a great idea. you wouldn't even have to force them. the criminals would do it all on their own if they could
ohSNAPyall 27
Why is your gym teacher discussing his drinking habits with y'all?
HappyItalian 38
I don't know about you but the teachers I have are laid back enough to joke around with us and pretty much talk about anything.
JKPwnage 27
Okay no that's an awesome idea.