Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking Gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was running late for my morning gym class. I grabbed a near-empty drink bottle on my way out, intending to fill it up at the gym. Mid-workout, I reached for my bottle and took a big mouthful as I headed over to fill it up. To my great surprise, it was not water but straight vodka. FML
Today, I was hanging with my friends when out of the blue, I got thirsty. Friends said there was Gatorade in the fridge. Being the trusting person I am, I took a drink, only to discover it was piss. FML
Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML
Today, I had to explain to a woman why she wasn't allowed to squeeze all the contents of the sample lotion bottle into her own bottle. She threw a fit, and dumped the whole bottle on my head. FML
Today, I made a protein shake at the gym. I somehow didn't screw the lid on tight enough, so when I took one huge gulp, the shake exploded all over my face, shirt, and the gym mirror. Now I look like I lost a fight with a chocolate milkshake. FML
Today, my friend dared me to break a liquor bottle on my head. I slammed it into my head so hard I got dizzy, then did it a SECOND time and knocked myself out so hard that I pissed and shat myself. My head hurts really badly. FML
Today, at my son's soccer game, I tried to give him a bottle of Gatorade, but the top was damp with condensation and I couldn't get a grip. I wiped it dry and tried again, successfully this time. No big deal, except my wife was watching and screamed, "IT SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT LONG!" Everyone stopped and stared. FML
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I poured out a glass of apple juice to drink. I threw out a beer can from earlier, and my mom thought I was drinking alcohol, not juice. She scolded me, until I made her physically taste the juice. FML
Today, while eating lunch, one of my friends told a joke that made everyone at the table laugh. Apparently, the guy standing behind me overheard and was laughing too. So much in fact that he spewed the red Gatorade he was drinking all over the back of my white shirt and hair. FML
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Top comments
cayytee 0
and im eating spiderwebs to turn into spiderman.
kooochris1995 14
I'm eating honey nut Cheerios because they're good.
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Comments (250)
atitud3 12
Anger management.com needed
anythingmustbe 18
Yeah jack bitches be crazy
36591951 9
Ask her politely to drink something that'll replenish her brain cells
Bonzer 2
Am I the only one to go to angermanagement.com after reading this?
EvilTwerp 12
That's true, but "you can't fix stupid".
Drigr 9
Anyone else getting tired of the "bitches be crazy" comments that have started appearing a TON?
opendoorclosed 8
It won't give you an athletic body just by drinking it. What a dumb bitch.... It will only make your sweat the color of the one you drink.
skoob1 12
This reminds me of the time I had to explain to my lacrosse goalie that simply watching p90x doesn't help you lose weight.
Abdul888 16
This's what we've got from the fake people in the media! They lie and some people become obsessed with them! fyl OP.
swimchick7 1
#133 either sarcasm or extreme stupidity...
quontag 15
It's not sarcasm. It's just a bad joke.
opendoorclosed 8
168... Extreme stupidity would be actually believing that I was serious. I know for a fact that if you drink gatorade you automatically get an athletic body.
iMadeAMess 0
"Is it in you ?"
vocaloidtiger 12
92 - I know this is completely irrelevant, but your profile picture is a total win.
The_Thinker 18
#123 - Seeing the awkward amount of time it took you to get buried saying that, obviously not.
Drigr 9
The amount of time it took to get burried just tells me that 11 more people like to chime in with "bitches be crazy" (which is now akin to "doesn't matter; had sex" in my book), then are annoyed at hearing it.
Temi25 6
I'd just drink the bottle, and start working out
Xythenol 6
I laughed insanely loud at the image of this.
AKGirlinSD 20
Original Poster's friend should drink Cranberry Cocktail juice as well, such as in Mean Girls, so she can lose a few pounds *screen sarcasm here*. On a serious note, I don't understand how poeple don't understand that in order to lose weight and to get into shape, you need to burn more calories than you eat, exercise, and lay off the sweets (both solids and liquids).
trollingsforfags 0
Bitches be crazy
cayytee 0
and im eating spiderwebs to turn into spiderman.
thisiscat 14
I'm eating iron to turn into iron man
quontag 15
I'm drinking water to become Aquaman.
kooochris1995 14
I'm eating honey nut Cheerios because they're good.
Druifje88 3
I'm eating harry potter to turn into the flash
missyj0 12
I'm eating goat testes to turn into Bear Grylls.
myalleyway 9
24- why would you want to be aquaman? he cant do anything!
ant1078 7
One does not just turn into Bear Grylls.
tennisrapper1 14
Aquaman swims? Does that count?
ant1078 7
And #28 I suggest you consider not eating yourself. :)
Druifje88 3
I don't have that kind of scar. What else should I eat to become the flash
ant1078 7
You get shocked by lightening?... But if not, try eating a light bulb!
dubstep12 8
I'm eating woman to turn into wonder woman.... XD Wait.... I'm not eating them out... I'm a canibal:)
tennisrapper1 14
46 - You really don't understand jokes very well do you?
quontag 15
32- Why wouldn't you want to be Aquaman. Your life sucks.
ALpein 0
I'm eatting America to turn into Captain America.
quontag 15
Aquaman is like Superman but underwater. Water makes everything better.
shots1996 8
I'm eating Marlboros to turn into Marlboro man. Thumb up if you know the old commercials
EyeCeYu 7
I'm eating pussy to turn into a cat.
biggestfan23 11
#77 please stop
jokesta187 11
51- Lair!
Bonzer 2
Im eating a cactus thinking I would become a new superhero. I was wrong, and now my throat is bleeding.
Bonzer 2
Im also eating a deck of cards to become Joker.
TheDrudgeChild 4
And as soon as someone deviated from superheroes, the joke became stale.
cayytee 0
well that was entertaining : )
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I'm eating soil... to become captain planet.
KiddNYC1O 22
Good one, 77.
winnerme123 8
I'm eating spinach to turn into Popeye(probably spelt wrong). Going old school
efemel94 7
I'm eating dick to pay my way through college.
domking1315 20
#97 i believe you're eating a cat by the looks of it
210tex 1
I'm eating a car to turn into transformers
quontag 15
I'm eating bat cum to be Robin.
labudamike 6
I'm eating adobe to become flash
Zedd_fml 8
I'm eating gamma radiation to become Hulk.
Zedd_fml 8
I am also eating soap bars to fart bubbles.
uberdubers 3
19- I believe you are Ozzy Osbourne now, not Batman.
TheVelocirabbit 10
I'm eating hammers to become Thor.
BunchieRules 31
51 - I believe trying Wonderbread could help out with that.
l23VIVE 17
I'm eating my enemies to become MEGA MAN
ruby1040 6
I'm eating lightning to turn into the flash
Chad_the_Brony 0
I'm eating a bearded dragon to become Dragonborn.
Abdul888 16
and I'm eating spinach to turn into Popeye!
Calyx_fml 22
Aquaman can command all sea creatures... including Cthulhu. Don't **** with Aquaman.
Ajwc101 24
I'm getting struck by lightning to become Flash.
flyninja17 1
I'm eating your mom to turn into.. Wait no I'm just eating out your mom XD
abouttosleep 5
All of you up here just ate bullshit, and that's what's coming out of your minds :D
cliffibom 15
I'm eating bath salts to turn into a zombie
VoteForTaco 8
I'm eating fists to become Chuck Norris.
iwilkilalzmBs 2
Its not funny anymore -_-
DogsPaw 16
Yah, after the same comment was said three times it lost its appeal.
I_Hug_Cats 26
I'm eating a woman to turn into... catwoman! :D
The_Thinker 18
#91, Yes, indeed - to the lair!
geraldthelion 15
We all drink water, so we are all aquaman.
fymother 13
The acid in Gatorade is also horrible for your teeth
xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11
I'm drinking all kinds of pepsi. All kinds. To turn to Pepsi man.
thisiscat 14
I'm eating cartridges to become an N64
steak87 1
So, to become Seaman, one must .........
mandilator 5
Im eating nothing to become invisible.
thgiL 9
I'm eating lanterns with a green light to become the green lantern.
winnerme123 8
I'm eating brains to become a zombie.
fylx100 19
101- you're definitely eating a cat....
TzHaar_Joh_Zuhai 4
Im eating P90X to turn into the hulk
ArmadilloW 6
Guess take it and hide it, steal all her gatorades and hoard them , Muwhaha ha
Zano23 9
Do you mean "just"?
TxCountryBeauty 10
Maniacal laugh! Always gets them
HairyPunisher 27
*rolls eyes* Oh yeah you TOTALLY showed her.
pwnman 33
Your very stupid
Fml_FTW228 10
^^^ Oh the irony...
DogsPaw 16
Pwnman you're very stupid.
quontag 15
Throwing is also a form of working out. YDI.
cheetahbaby96 8
Are you stupid?
CaramelMacchiato 13
OP should be the one throwing the bottle at their friends face so their friend can run from it. After all, running is some type of exercise, no?
MCRaddict15 15
I'm sure you will agree with your statement when your best friend does that.
quontag 15
Maybe op's best friend wanted op to exercise by running away.
fuzz97 23
Your comment is extraordinarily asinine
quontag 15
Well your comment is more asinine because you didn't take the time to figure out what it meant before you boldy criticized me.
fuzz97 23
I'll let your 59 thumbs down speak for themselves
quontag 15
Wtf is that in your profile picture anyway?
benimin 6
Wait to change the subject -.-
benimin 6
Wait to change the subject -.-
quontag 15
It's funny cause you made the same mistake twice
noahghosthand 12
only if ppl saw that you were joking.
im_too_pro 2
Tell her that's a good start! Hand her a cowbell or something later
RacistPancake 6
She's trying to get fit, not be in a band.
boofgall 16
6- I hope you mean dumbbell.
yuggi1 11
Cowbells are tied around the animal's neck and are used to warn people when they're coming. In a weird way it would make sense. xD
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
6- Please tell me you meant kettlebell?
olpally 33
What a raging bitch.... Wow...
ebonyirony 29
OP will turn into some shape with all that bottling
Snafuusmc 12
Coffee ought-a help.
sporty1200xlr 6
You need to stop hanging out with the "special people"
sirpantselot 22
It's because of this friend that that ad probably has "actual results may vary" in the fine print.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Yikes. This reminds me of a girl who got in a fight at my school last year. She hated some other girl, so she froze a bottle of Gatorade and chucked it at the back of her head in the hallway 0.0
ant1078 7
This reminds me of a story I read where a lady kills her husband by knocking his head with a frozen leg of lamb and when the officers come over to investigate, she cooks the lamb for them and they eat the murder weapon. Ingenious!
CaramelMacchiato 13
People in my school buy gatorade and other bottled drinks in the cafeteria for the sole reason of chucking it at people/messing around with it/ making a mess in general.
DeeMillzee 4
Reminds me of my Grade 9 English class, we read a story just like that.
SouthernPride95 19
Similar story i read to mind was officially blown:o
22cute 17
Lamb to the Slaughter, it's called. That's the story y'all are referencing.