Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year-old boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 minutes, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said, "So, do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray every night that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML
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Top comments
SomethingWitty 0
"...then Grandma asked to join. FML"
LyuboLove 0
i still wonder why people don't take more precautions when there's a possibility of someone being around who could potentially walk in on you... you definitely 100% deserved that one
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Comments (156)
cyberhoy 3
were you doing anal? because if you were technically you could still be a virgin
qwertyuiop8989 0
Doggie style is very fun but I call FAKE on this one. Maybe her speech was true but I think you fabricated the ******* your boyfriend part to make it on fml.....at least your lie got published so good job
vers_fml 0
i'm with the other commenters...who the eff doesn't take ANY precaution before ******* your boyfriend, ostensibly in your grandmother's house or at least before you checked at all that she was out of your own. If people would have some rudimentary level sense once in a while, a whole host of lives would go un-******. regardless whether she could or couldn't lock the door, it's not like a shuffling old lady couldn't be spotted in the house with a simple glance around it. not to mention her CAR was obviously still there.
ams116 0
some people are just so stupid definitely YDI
kk_fml 0
The Grandma deserved it. Whats with walking into rooms without knocking? And I agree with #8. Shes still living in 1950. That's kinda weird she would tell her granddaughter that she needs to keep her virginity.
liveitlearnit 0
I think elders need to evolve their ways of thinking. ...Telling someone abstinence only is okay.... there's going to be a lack of education there. The minute I hit puberty, my mom told me that she was not going to get off my case for a while with boys (meaning bedroom door open, no boys when she's out of the house), but that when I wanted to go on birth control, she'd let me, no questions asked. That's what a responsible guardian or family member should do, because abstinence isn't the norm nowadays. Now that I am finally sexually active, my mom doesn't ask and doesn't tell, because she knows I'm educated. Just saying. Get outta the past, Grandma.
wowfmlife 0
Abstinence never goes out of style
strawberry_78 0
I don't know it's just the way this FML is phrased, but it sounds fake to me...
Rose20 0
Obviously your gran never learnt how to knock, if the door can't be locked. And if it could, didn't it occure to you to maybe lock your door. Next, you thought you were alone, check next time.
aenema13 0
This is my favourite FML, nice one.