Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year-old boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 minutes, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said, "So, do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray every night that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML
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Top comments
SomethingWitty 0
"...then Grandma asked to join. FML"
LyuboLove 0
i still wonder why people don't take more precautions when there's a possibility of someone being around who could potentially walk in on you... you definitely 100% deserved that one
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Comments (156)
Commentator_fml 0
Honestly, abstinence is quite stupid. Sex isn't bad, people make it seem bad though.
King_of_Kings 3
#21 my words exactly! Doggie style is fun!
Safko 0
Lock the door next time.
Callyn 47
Maybe her doors don't lock? Mine don't back at home. She didn't do anything wrong, her grandmother is just old-fashioned. I don't get why she deserves this.
donkeyboner219 0
i love you. whats your phone number? i ll hit you off nice and take care of grandma to.
katiemac3 0
#26 - there are plenty of doors in this world that don't lock. for example, my bedroom door at home does not have a lock on it. I don't see why everyone's saying "what kind of person doesn't lock their door?" because not everyone has locks to every door in their house. just sayin' her grandma could have knocked or something, though.
who_rollerpig 4
lol @ 6 abstinence is cool if you want to, it's a choice YOU make; not others deciding for you :)
Callyn 47
#26, the sort that is painted over, has had the key lost, doesn't have a locking mechanism, etc.
robvicious_fml 0
YEAH! Doggie-style that's what I'm talking about!
Floridaguy81 0
Doggie style is where its at yo! Keep up the good work!