Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year-old boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 minutes, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said, "So, do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray every night that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML
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Top comments
SomethingWitty 0
"...then Grandma asked to join. FML"
LyuboLove 0
i still wonder why people don't take more precautions when there's a possibility of someone being around who could potentially walk in on you... you definitely 100% deserved that one
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Comments (156)
WellThatSuckz 14
TMI TMI TMI
Endymion_fml 0
Screw the old bag and her backwards ways of thinking.
Karnezar 2
Even with lubricant, doggy-style sounds like it would still hurt. . Anyway, for all you know she was probably doing a lot more than you were now at your age
Etc80 0
What #7 said. LOCK the freaking door or something.
UrLifeDoesntSuck 0
@47 - doggy-style isn't in the ass, it's vaginal sex in a fun position. Holy ****, you people are dense. Even if your door doesn't have a lock on it, you can still prop it closed with a chair or something. Jesus you people need to be creative.
diet_cocaine 0
#1 ur obviously an overweight virgin whos never gonna get any HERES TO EQUALITY ull never hear grandpa tell me to keep mine ha
Jasper_fml 0
agree with #7
UrLifeDoesntSuck 0
@50 - If grandpa walked in on you, he'd probably give you a high-five.
screwed_up 0
i think this is stupid. for a few reasons: 1. you thought your grandma had gone home...? she lives in FL... and you didnt know for sure? wow, you sure are a wonderful granddaughter. 2. if the door doesnt lock; even a mom who is invasive will usually knock. a grandma who doesnt even live in the house and is a visitor would most def knock! i mean, she would probably still come in and you would still get caught cause you cant cover it up that quickly but.. still. and finally, 3. why the **** are you having sex in your room that doesnt lock. if you live wth your parents (which it sounds like you do), you should wait until nobody else is there or find a door that locks! i garuntee there is somewhere in your house where you can prevent people from coming in. especially since some one in your house thinks you are still a virgin... just wow.
lnm701 0
To everyone saying her door doesn't lock...okay, maybe it doesn't. But if you know your door doesn't lock, you better double and then triple check to make damn sure no one else is around before you have sex. So, you deserved it. But doggy style is fun, and at least you were getting laid.