Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, I thought it would be hot to go down on my girlfriend while she was playing a video game on the PC. Unfortunately, someone killed her in game and she wheeled the chair forward in anger, right into my nuts. It took her a few seconds to notice, then she blamed me for getting her killed. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
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Top comments
carlycrf 8
did you swallow?
iHaveADream_ 0
hahaha . don't lie , you liked it (;
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Comments (258)
r9310 0
ok you got a handjob now stop being a little bitch :) its not like its cyanide
craigi 3
Not FML because you should both be laughing.
princess_patches 2
hahahahaha omg that is so funny
iELITEi 0
you should have made her lick it off
Olliematt 0
Keep going, and you'll get a kill streak ;)
jemmzz 0
bahahahaaaa.
Ohdraconian 0
Payback for all those cum-shots in ****!!!!
islandz 0
tht ***** nasty
Alkix 2
Event ID 348913746 Agent ID: HJ5872 Title: Logistics Specialist Status: Temporarily Reassigned Summary: Agent HJ5872(known as Agent White Face, henceforth) is reassigned to storage maintenance until further notice for disobeying a direct order from a superior. Following said disregard for orders, Agent White Face attempted to gather information from "The Other Gender" (TGO). The situation rapidly deteriorated when TGO agent Emily Huang (a.k.a. The Bangcok Tiger) grabbed Agent White Face's weapon, and, after a 3.5 second struggle, discharged said weapon into his face. Reassignment is deemed necessary for the time being, as the majority of the other Logistics Specialist agents were too preoccupied with creating ways to ridicule Agent White Face instead of working. Such methods included emails, group sing-a-longs of a rather catchy tune written by Agent FG2345 (a.k.a Steve), and an entire adaptation of William Shakespeare's play 'Much Ado About Nothing' retitled 'Billy Takes One In The Face'. Logistics productivity is expected to increase substantially, after the play ends its 3 week run at the local civic theater.
Quyzl 0
You may be my hero.
Deservesit22 1
Little to much free time eh?
Alkix 2
Something that everyone on this site could have in common. I'm just trying to add some much needed value to the comments section.
eagle12 0
lmao. sorry op, that sucks