Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
GrooveTurtle 0
... -face palm-
zombicidal 11
flaccid sex? the ****?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (483)
redbluegreen 41
Working overtime removing lodged heads from sphincters.
cetlawizard 15
Is your GF simply stupid or is that her way of saying she's not having sex with you? Sex while flaccid is impossible with a virgin (especially one who still has a hymen)...sex while flaccid with a woman who's had a lot of sex...still near impossible...you can put it in but unless you're hard enough to stimulate her & yourself, it's pretty much pointless & not really sex...it's just getting your penis wet...same as if you sat in a bath & did nothing.
AmbrosiaWriter 17
Do people really still think that a ****** gets stretched out if a woman has a sex a lot? That's seriously not how it works at all.
DeadxManxWalking 27
Is that even possible.?
texanplayer 1
Lube, and lots of it
KaiserSD 8
Tell her when you have a hard-on that that's as flaccid as it gets. She sounds dumb enough to believe it.
fabyzoe 2
shes lucky shes pretty..
bubo_fml 11
Start with inserting a banana into her ******. Consume the banana afterwards if you feel discarding it would be wasteful. Another suggestion would be to use a rubber bladder, such as a hot water bladder and slowly inflate it with a bicycle pump. Over time, she'll be able to accept a fully engorged penis into her ******...Good luck!
jlstough 10
wtf?
CourtCourtb 0
Um... What!!??
skyeyez9 25
When she is ready, she will prefer sex the usual way. Don't pressure her to put out.
ThatHamMan 4
You should make her dress as an ugly woman so you won't get hard! That works for me
havocmike 3
That girl is a ******* idiot, dude