Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
GrooveTurtle 0
... -face palm-
zombicidal 11
flaccid sex? the ****?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (483)
nvo 6
Are you a virgin too? How on earth would you go about 'taking her virginity' with a flaccid penis?
Rainbow_Crash 11
She DOES know that going in soft won't work, right? I understand being a virgin and all, but even virgins must be knowledgeable of sex to some degree. I would know; I'm a virgin myself. Either OP's girlfriend is REALLY naive, or that was just subtle rejection.
Rainbow_Crash 11
(continuation of my previous comment because time ran out) Try talking to her about it. Don't try to pressure her and don't try to convince her otherwise to have sex. Let her decide when she's ready. Until then, handle the situation like an adult (assuming you are an adult). If you aren't an adult, talking to her about it and being sensitive to how she feels in whether or not she's ready would still be the best thing to do in this situation.
caliiigirl420 1
Either way she will one day have sex and she will have sex with them erect. Ur girlfriend sounds ignorant and sexually challenged
j_cat187 20
Strange, I thought women like big men
zebrapattern 6
um. does she know it won't go in that way? it's like trying to put cooked spaghetti into a needle hole.
SAgirl 23
She doesn't want you to pop her cherry so her other BF will realise she's screwing you
groupleader 7
Yeah..riiiiight, like shootin pool with a rope, ok, stand her on her head and drop it in there Minnesota Fats!!!
mikeymayhem_87 15
I think she's trollin', brah!
CRC_101 31
As the people in my state would say, "She ain't ready." Sorry you have a confused girlfriend. Intercourse with a flaccid penis? Her sexual intelligence is far too low to bang her now. Since you're in a relationship, you'll have to deal with all the awkward shit and ignorant questions and guilty feelings and confusion she'd likely have afterwards if you do. "Can I get pregnant from this?" Don't do it, for your own sanity's sake. And for hers, if you care; who knows what it could do to that already tender state of mind. o.o In fact, I'd go so far as to say that if you two do have sex soon and she freaks, I'd say YDI. Don't be as ignorant as her!
13864466 2
So she is genuinely scared? seriously how big are you? You would want to be big or she is a complete idiot to think that sex is possible with a softy. Agree with the others she is either to young or you're not turning her on right! Practise Practise Practise till she is begging for you inside her. Oral then digits my friend. Except if she has never had grass on the field. Never had grass don't go there....