Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
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Top comments
domking1315 20
The itsy bitsy spider went up the va-gi-na Out came the pee and washed the spider out!
CynePhoba 23
Poor spider...
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Comments (258)
CynePhoba 23
Poor spider...
gamercanadian 11
Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah.
sleepydeath 4
Most horrible death, I even feel sad for the spider
Michele2luv 8
Yeah that's a pissy way to die
ihatethesenamez 6
Lucky spider ;)
C94_ 0
Stop eating spiders!!!!
SkoomaKi 28
That is my worst nightmare... I hate those little bastards.
nava1210 12
Your worst nightmare is pooping a spider..?
DrDilllonReese 12
I think they're just referring to any method of a spider getting to their ass.
julialinn 2
130- OP didn't poop on a spider.. she peed, wiped, and the spider was on the toilet paper she wiped on
ladyLALAA 29
Could be worse, could have been a snake in the toilet!
sweetpea41800 0
242-that doesn't even make sense!
ToNstAAr 8
That's just gross. FYL
KILLERTOAST13 4
Prissy
Viciousstorms 7
That's information that isn't advised you tell. But FYL OP.
brownkity 7
Has it been that long OP? Along came a spider and sat down inside her spinning its web all day
Discombobulated9 12
The spiders version to visiting the grand canyon.
Maddidaddi 0
That's terrible. How frightening.
Teridax 0
153 you win the Internet That was great
paperroll880 16
153- that's a good one. I'm still laughing.
hawaiianfire 0
153 I'm pretty sure its a girl and she just had to pee. So she wouldn't be pooping webbing, she'd be webbing penis
Scruffy618 0
1: happy belated birthday. My random page view seems to be about 10 minutes late. OP, yeah that's really disgusting to find. I hope it's not a recurring thing.
petraphotoDOTca 6
LMFAO. just imagined homer singing this to the tune of spider pig
lexex1 4
Still a better love story than twilight.
YtotsDI 0
True that
PaperCandles 0
That is not even relevant here...fail
rosha267 21
Why did you look after wiping?
kaymi 17
I look. Is there something wrong with that?
The_Hitdude 12
^^No, I do it too. If anyone on here is wierd, it's 2. Come at me.
rosha267 21
I honestly didn't know that was a common thing
lyssa_jean 7
Ok am I the only one here extremely put off by the fact that it seems like NO man on here looks after they wipe? How the hell do they know they got all the crap off their ass? It should be....... Wipe, look.... not clean. fold toilet paper. Wipe, look.... not clean. fold toilet paper. Wipe, look.... clean!!!!!! Flush toilet paper. wash hands and youre done. There you go men, and boys of the world. Potty training 101
DanniNell 13
I'm pretty sure OP is a girl since boys don't wipe when they pee.
redmane 21
I'd be pretty worried that if I had to fold the toilet paper, I'd get piss or shit on my hand. Sorry, this may be "environmentally unfriendly" but I'd just get new toilet paper.
Love182 0
First world country problems... :/
KeyboardWarrior 10
117, for the record, Hitdude is a man. Right there your argument is invalid. Secondly, judging by your name I'm assuming you aren't a man, and you have no place telling us what to do. Lastly, most people DO look, and the person you were replying to is a female. There you go, argument shredding 101. P.S. Most of us use more than 1 square of toilet paper, so there is no folding required.
fluorescentadole_fml 8
actually I live in the third world and we have the same problem
TheMathMajor 26
Has anyone ever wondered what happened to the second world?
chel325 2
It was the soviet union and it's satellite states, doesn't exist anymore
vanillacocoa 6
173 I love you
julien672 0
186 - YES.
PaperCandles 0
117 i agree with you. Not sure why you got so many thumbs down. Cant tell you how many times I've done laundry and found a pair of shit stained mens underwear. Absolutely disgusting.
hellobeautiful5 2
I don't know why this got so many dislikes, I think it's a valid point. Haha
betterNowThanLat 5
just like before you take a bite of your food , you look. and the next bite, etc.
petraphotoDOTca 6
drgentlemn.... I love you.
kittykat1501 31
186 second world are borderline countries
domking1315 20
The itsy bitsy spider went up the va-gi-na Out came the pee and washed the spider out!
cooIbeans 0
out came the toilet paper that dried up all the rain, and the itsy-bitsy-spider was still wiggling its legs!
xxGhost_Wolfxx 2
I believe the reason they said ****** was because it rhymes better than ********.
happle 21
121- There was no rhyming at all. And pee doesn't come out of the ******** either...
Impeh 8
You mean urethra?
KeyboardWarrior 10
Women pee out of their ********? Learn something new everyday.
Johnothan23 7
Pee doesn't come out of the clit either, It's the urethra. Damn. Some people's children.
randomkayx3 11
And pee comes out the urethra..
domking1315 20
Smh 121 and sorry guys i said the first thing to come to mind with 3 syllables
Roevera 14
*face palm*
Mommyof2_91 10
Haha wow I laughed so hard at 121's stupidity that I woke up my baby sleeping on my lap. Damn you 121
itsharkley 8
Y U people no study biology?!
abcd165 0
63- dude a girls pee still comes out of the front only it has a separate opening from the ******, it is still hidden somewhat in the ******. I'm 14 and I know that what did you think they pee from the anus?
abcd165 0
and people that opening isn't the clitoreas "however that was spelled" it is called the urethra same as a guy
YtotsDI 0
Oh girl its time for you to flean down there!!
therealslim 15
Yeah, she really needs 'flean' down there
SpottedZebra42 14
I didn't know people still spoke Old English....
Capt_Awesome137 0
Clean* sorry had to
klimp 0
Who looks at the toilet paper after the wipe?
biggestfan23 11
People who are normal
mk58 31
10, I'm sure you do it too, you just don't want to admit it.
therealslim 15
Apparently everyone apart from you 10
KiddNYC1O 22
People who want a clean butt... Can you really tell you're completely clean without looking at it??
laevatin 2
I look... Is that weird?
LadyJoker21 0
No so do I
YtotsDI 0
Clean* damn fat thumbs!
airforce987 20
Everyone looks after wiping. Don't deny it! We all know you do!
mhopper 13
I do, until the toilet paper comes out clean! No one likes skid marks!