Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML
Today, I met a girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, and it really was great until her Garfield-sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML
Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML
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Top comments
doubleAbattery 0
Is it just me, or have there been a lot of FMLs about cats lately?
SimpleSimon 0
She did the right thing. Seriously, my ex and I were mid-**** when her cat decided it wanted some attention too. Ignoring him just got him more and more wound up until eventually he went ballistic and tore a chunk off me with his claws in that unpredictably traitorous way that only cats do. Not only was I **** blocked, I had a piece of my buttcheek missing, and she sided with the cat when I tried to throw him out the window.
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Comments (141)
TheFadedGuitar 0
Hahahaha xD
realggirl 0
HAHA! Totally agree, #1. YDI for referring to a cat, a living being, as "it!"
unkinged44 0
To scare all cats assume the doggy (style) pose
metheonlyb 17
# 60 is an epic winner! Hell even the OP is a winner when it comes to sense of humor!
mattmag 0
#59, if the cat is neutered (as it should be), then "it" is the appropriate pronoun.
myfishisBOBA 0
LOL 60. lolol
abcnonamecba 0
fu*k the anti flood protection lol
yashack 0
it's not that bad I've been cockblocked by a mentally retarded kid
whoisthisgirl 4
I'd pet the cat too...
hamburgerjung 23
He can refer to a cat as an it all he likes, considering they are the most retarded pet one can have... DOG PEOPLE UNITE!
KumoFF7 3
SECOND!
SimpleSimon 0
Second place - the top-class loser.
KumoFF7 3
Seconds the best, man.
dinosaursmoo 0
"First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the polka dotted dress." doesn't apply here.
electroboy_fml 0
Prove it.
klutzywriter 0
hmm i've heard hairy chest and treasure chest but never polka dot dress
dinosaursmoo 0
Hairy chest?! BAHAHA :D
cherrypieguy 0
KomuFF ur my favorite troll
Kiwi_Splash 0
Same here. Never heard of the dress one. Cats are beautiful, I so would've done the same.
talbot008 0
haha never heard polka dot dress but I like it
doubleAbattery 0
Is it just me, or have there been a lot of FMLs about cats lately?
kenny22 0
yeah you're right..
sheagstaz 0
Cats suck
KK3137 31
There are always FMLs about cats. Cats are adorable AND evil.
spidergirl41 0
Phrased perfectly. Nice goin'. I bet she's BI...afterall, she likes pussy-cats :D
dudeitsdanny 10
Hahaha, I was gonna reply with "That's what you get for wanting a second pussy in bed."
Smalls3706 0
I love it when my boyfriend calls me "his girl".
penizulaface 0
was this the cat from the cockblocked by another pussy fml?
Meemer147 0
Hey FMLers, wanna find another site equally as funny as this one? Check out Mylifeisaverage.com, not as gushy as MLIG or GMH. its also not as depressing as FML. find your happy medium at Mylifeisaverage.com
skaffz 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
so.. you really take that? I'd slap her or throw her out. you're at her place? go home.
lmmmr 0
You sound really lame.
liteupthestage 0
jerk
tellithowitis 13
I've reread your comment multiple times and yet I'm still confused..... Anyways OP, next time close your door. This is an accident that could've been prevented very easily. Stay off drugs kids and let this be a life lesson. *flies out of room shooting boogers everywhere
natsumosam92 0
You should teach the cat to guide your ****, not block it.
lacho95 4
hahahaaha!! Good thinking!
canucksrule88 0
@9: LOL and buddy, it was a superbad reference thugbert=fail
SimpleSimon 0
I'm here all week =)
Rouge_Plague 0
#22 win
Anonymus7_fml 0
Well....if you're into *********** you could do a threesome...
ChildrenOfFilth 12
what...the....****.....?
Anonymus7_fml 0
some people actually do that.... its gross....
asher888 11
12 = ****** up >.>
SH1V3R 0
I hate cats.