Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
if only her boss knew the sacrifices she made
RitRit 20
Desperate times call for desperate measures!
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Comments (70)
Dexter83_fml 17
Lol she doesn't work in HR does she by any chance
maximumcarnage 13
well thats a SHITTY situation!
SilverMaster02 7
Gross man
Casy13 6
You know, german trains are famous for being late so your analogy sucks.
Kempeth 5
You could say it was a shitty analogy.
ctck 17
Wow. Really classy lady you have there. Just wondering...does she put the toilet seat down after she's done using it?
potionowl 25
Ah yes, because only men do gross things. Ladies shit rainbows that smell like daisies right? Your humor is bad and you should feel bad.
soulreaper12296 28
At least she actually cares about her job.
Jiratias 36
That's a whole new level of intimity
HarryHirsch 23
Believe me; if her digestive rhythm was like a German train, she would have serious trouble on her way to work.
wiifan013 9
When you gotta go you gotta go!
dyscomonkee 12
That's so nasty. Leave early and shit at work.....