Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up me with for being the "perfect boyfriend". Apparently I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, and she didn't know how to take it. So she dumped me. FML
Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend with a serenade. After I finished, she told me she'd come over to tell me she'd found someone else and wanted to break up. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML
Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, after the girl I fell head over heels for asked me out last night, it turns out she was so drunk at the time, she doesn't remember and doesn't want to date me at all. I'm beginning to feel like my life is some shitty movie. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
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Top comments
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Drunk call her back so you have an excuse to call her a stupid bitch.
autinyork 6
Lol I once did that. Jk, what's a girlfriend?
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Comments (77)
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Drunk call her back so you have an excuse to call her a stupid bitch.
Kamon97 23
Or don't drunk call at all ever...
DoubleDie7 7
He doesn't need to be drunk or have an excuse to call her a bitch, she clearly was one..
Quantumpanda 13
Ah yes, she's a bitch because he was being a drunken fool. Makes perfect sense...in some reality other than this one. Rule #1: Don't get so drunk you do stupid things like that. Rule #2: If you must break rule #1, don't call or text anyone until you're sober. Rule #3: If you must break rules #1 & #2, don't call or text your girlfriend until you're sober. Rule #4: If you must break rules #1, #2, & #3, don't say something that will lead them to break up with you. Rule #5: If you must break rules #1–#4, apologize profusely once you're sober. Groveling and flowers usually help. Simplest is to just remember rule #1, but there's an awful lot of people who feel the need to make it more complicated...
ileenefudge 29
I agree with #67
LA_Barbie 11
#67 Well done! I agree. Drunk dialing should be avoided at all costs. Sometimes it can't be so OP kinda deserved it. However, I think he can do better she was a bitch to agree with him breaking up with her. Clearly she has no common sense to realize he was drunk.
Nath1G 4
Well.. That's one way to take a compliment
timakinz 21
To think someone would understand and appreciate how their lover sees them.
bryguy89 10
Look at it this way...technically, since she was taking it so seriously and actually took your suggestion, you dumped her. It's one of those "it's not you, it's me" situations.
Seeker304 12
Some people get drunk and cheat. Here is this noble soul who gets drunk and only sees her as beautiful. Dude, she isn't worth anyone's time.
tehman117 21
Say "sorry that was meant for someone else"
mattrd_fml 31
then she would dump him anyway for seeing someone else.
tehman117 21
Well if she was so self absorbed she thinks she's way to good for op her way too high self esteem would plummet.
rhyspiecesno8 18
You, I like the way you think
autinyork 6
Lol I once did that. Jk, what's a girlfriend?
golden_warrior 23
They are some rare species that can only be found in the coldest parts of Canada.
MattOnFML 13
I think it's a pokemon
AthiestNun 11
Vegetarians.
vipirius 18
34 they can have Nutella. Unless they're against consuming dairy products also, in which case, F their lives.
Cazz91 21
That my friend would be a vegan if they are against any animal product to consume via dairy for example, #35. :) Unless the vegetarian happens to hate dairy products or they are lactose intolerant. :( I love cheese!
purebliss_fml 19
Good riddance to the bitch. Now that you're single you can go out and get drunk again woohoo!
QQmore_fml 18
Stop drinking so much to the point you can't remember stuff, also she's pretty messed up if that's all it takes for her to leave. You don't need her, but you need to get your drinking in check. Sorry OP
captainmpg 9
No sure if ex is messed up...this could have been the final straw...
vipirius 18
Or maybe she left because he has a drinking problem? I mean this could have happened many times before and this was the last straw. In any case we don't know the whole story so there's no point taking sides.
pissed_off123 9
Shouldn't fish for compliments and looking and sounding desperate is such a turn off. Ever heard of playing it cool?!
buttcramp 21
she sounds like she was either looking for an excuse to leave or shes a total bitch lol
Dynosaur_dollie 38
or op has a drinking problem, is unreliable, has done things like this before and she realized she honestly could do better for herself instead of waiting for him to grow up. Without more to this story we have no way of knowing if she is a bitch, or if he's a loser.
worldclassrager 41
Well that didn't work out...well drinking does bring out the truth...even if it wasn't meant to be stated...
kinky44 28
Always smooth.
SnowboarderFX 14
Kieth Stone?