Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, I threw a party. My drunk boyfriend decided to bring my 50-inch flatscreen TV downstairs from our bedroom. The TV didn't make it. FML
Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML
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Top comments
Dave_Davington 35
He's a keeper. No doubt about it.
jessicasoho 13
Turn the fan off?
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Comments (17)
Dave_Davington 35
He's a keeper. No doubt about it.
yuno_gasai_fml 34
Sounds extremely charming c:
Ishvah 15
unless he's a new boyfriend, you should've known how he would act.
jessicasoho 13
Turn the fan off?
ARISKomuniszt 24
Maybe use the fan noises to explain to your roommate a real animal came in to party!
RichardPencil 32
Not a fan of Woody Woodpecker? Ha-ha-ha-HA-ha!
saberjpg 6
So, you invited your boyfriend over to your friends house? For that reason, you deserve it.
RichardPencil 32
Read much? It was the OP’s house. The bf vomited in the roommate’s bathroom. Lots of houses have multiple bathrooms.
raven_of_azarath 35
It never says it was a friend's house. It's implied that it was OP's house by "invited him over" and "my roommate." Unless OP's roommate doesn't actually live with OP.
Burle 17
The message here may be that he doesn't want to watch movies with you and your friends
samomaha 17
What a great way to show off your boyfriend to your friends. You must be awfully proud!
Madrias 36
I think the only way I can accurately determine if your life sucked or you deserved it is if you tell what movie was being watched.