Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
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Top comments
skyeyez9 25
its funny what couples do once they are comfortable with each other.
nel15 0
LOL. She's a keeper!
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Comments (74)
Angel91_fml 0
Next time avoid the "fun section" of the condom aisle...might see some action then ;)
BigD3452 6
dump that selfish bitch it only gets worse trust me
noshcherie 0
maybe she's just a lesbian?
uoykcuf 0
Is anyone else thinking The Big Lebowski?
Ninjaface 0
To everyone asking what the problem is, it's that she said she DOESN'T like swinging around random objects and making lightsaber noises. Which, for most sane guys should be a deal-breaker. Or maybe I just have a rather insane definition of the word "sane."
ineedahelmet 0
Ha woow that's crazyy
AnnoyingFlamingo 0
Well who was she? Darth Meat-grabber, Count Dicku, Obi-Won Cocknoby?
Bright_Lights 14
LMFAO comment win, made my day tbh ;)
Mayz_fml 0
AHAHAHAHA, win.
Bobaboo 0
thats classic, stay with her forever
FromCFL 0
YDI for dating a 10-year-old. (And for using the term "my meat"--unless you're talking about a piece of steak?)
kukopia 0
YDI for "finally getting intimate on the 2nd day" By doing that, you told her you're not that into her. And then when you FINALLY get intimate, she has to ask you to do things?? What are you, 14?