Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
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Top comments
skyeyez9 25
its funny what couples do once they are comfortable with each other.
nel15 0
LOL. She's a keeper!
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Comments (74)
dangletsbang21 0
this made my day, go star wars :)
gamer_girl 0
eww! i HATE when people call it their "meat"
Fall3nAngel 23
Mmm, it's so gross. When I read it, I was like, "... your meat"?
fyllmao 0
lmao@ op's name ... fail#9
ashleyhaynes 0
agree x5. why don't guys appreciate the cool chicks?
LlamaFlavoured 24
No, it would mean that if he put 'with me doing everything she asked of me.' Although, that's still not the most elegant way of writing it .___.
JeWbOy101 11
Lmfao my ex did that before:/ everything she touched it pre much minus the light saber noises usually... Luckily she generally would go down a bit eventually lol
LissaMccracken 23
selfishness!
The_9th_Doctor 18
the Force is strong with her.
sydneysays 15
Ohhh that's awful
DrCheese 16
What a greedy woman you got OP. I'm a big fan of reciprocation.