Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
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Top comments
skyeyez9 25
its funny what couples do once they are comfortable with each other.
nel15 0
LOL. She's a keeper!
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Comments (74)
MLSxxox 3
#9 fail...
kukopia 0
hook line and sinker
Zezing 0
#9 win actually
TAST3MYRAINB00Wx 0
that big, huh? haha sounds like shes a keeper
LeStab 4
lol " she took my meat in her hand " greatest line ever any way probably would have been an FML if she didnt do anything
couturefab 0
it sucks you down on her, and all she did in return is use your man junk as a light sabor in return
couturefab 0
and i don't get why people think she awesome for playin with your man junk like a light sabor instead of sucking it.
tayza249 20
not everyone wants to put a dick in their mouth
kindness 0
how slack. and stupid.
Clitastrophe 0
Oh no! Your life is over! That was sarcasm. Your life was probably over already if that's all it takes to **** your life up.
Bananaaa_fml 0
It means that he did everything that she asked for you knob jockey!!
misspeg 0
hahaha love your comment InfectedWithDrew!
chickyblue 0
Well she's right "the meat" is disgusting !!!!!!