Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a new smartphone and wanted to surprise my girlfriend with a naughty picture with it. A few minutes after sending it, I got a reply back from my girlfriend. And my best friend. And my sister. And everyone on my contacts list. FML
Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML
Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML
Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML
Today, I was in a store parking lot when I got a text from an unknown number saying, "I see you, I know what you did last summer, you wicked little shit." I freaked out and looked around in a panic. It turns out that it was my "hilarious" dad testing his new phone from across the parking lot. FML
Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML
Today, my immature dad said that I'm a girl, not a woman, so my witty response was, ''I have a period, so I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML
Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML
Today, I gave my phone number to a guy at the movie theatre. I was excited to receive a text a few minutes later, sure enough when I unlocked my phone I had received a message from an unknown number. It was his girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be funny to change my ringtone to some guy crooning "Thank heaven for little girls" and then call me during today's teacher-parent conference. FML
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Top comments
MrPortalFan 21
I can't imagine the look on his face.
deadhead419 15
What about standing in line to buy groceries puts you in the mood
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Comments (130)
MrPortalFan 21
I can't imagine the look on his face.
HowAreYouToday 34
is it just me or does the wording make it seem like the girlfriend got the erotic text meant for the dad?
Scoiattolo 10
I got it wrong at first, but makes sense. Dad received an erotic message from him, not from her
Scoiattolo 10
But he should have said they changed his father's name for his girlfriend's, not the contrary
TylerBurden 21
I had to read it like a couple of times because of the same reason #4. I was so confused haha.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
Getting horny at the grocery store. .. those bananas will do that to you op.
horne2 9
Why would OP take an erotic picture at the grocery store.
B_CeouL 12
Erotic text #62 not picture
horne2 9
#63 That make sense now. Sorry
hcollins1 18
62, if it was an erotic picture, OP could have taken it at home before they left and just then had the chance to send it.
braceany 11
Such a good idea. Will have to try this one out. Hahah
applebramble 22
Bahahaha!! That's hilarious! I agree , I'm gonna try it too!
CaiDog 20
Epic friends... are epic.
raytyler26 16
#Oedipus
joawmeens 7
#dontusehashtagswhenyourenotontwitterplease,thanks
CharresBarkrey 16
Wrong parent
boating_guy 33
sure you read Oedipus Rex there 5? might want to re-read it
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
Ya I dont do twitter so I was confused..
CaiDog 20
Why do everyone on this site misuse Oedipus?!
random_stuff 15
Oedipus was a ************, not a fatherfucker. Fatherfucker should be a word.
GamerG0DDESS 29
Oedipus: son loves his mother and is jealous of his father. Electra: daughter loves her father and is jealous of her mother.... That's as basic as it can get (there is more to Freud's theory, but I'm not going to be a punctilious know-it-all).
deadhead419 15
What about standing in line to buy groceries puts you in the mood
_Neshaa 5
I think it might've been how close they were standing
jessBeAqueen 13
you can turn almost anything into something sexual...."oh look at these thick meaty corndogs. they're so big. I bet they dip these bad boys in warm gooey batter and the way they trust the stick into them.... oh my! just makes me want to shove one down my throat" .....what shall I do next ? a tomatoe? dinner rolls? perhaps a can of beans?
TylerBurden 21
Do the beans pls! I am so curious right now! Haha
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
Good god 20... so descriptive.
kpc2424 13
Now I'm just hungry!
Dawnstempest 17
@52 Hungry for a hunk of burning love?
jessBeAqueen 13
cans of beans it is ... " ooohhh these beans are so messy and sticky. as the can opener penetrated the can, it squirted some of the juice into my eye and all over my hair. I should have had a better firm grip on the can but it was just so slippery. " any other requests ?
TylerBurden 21
There was actually no way I would have thought of it, you kinky bad girl. But still the imagination of red coloured juice isn't the best to think about when it comes to intercourse.
assassinbanana0 20
I would love to see you write a book
ApologyKick 25
I can already see it becoming a best seller. " '50 Shades of Food' is a powerful, compelling novel that displays a unique perspective of the average kitchen. Jam packed with stories of provocative potatoes and naughty noodles, this book is a must read for all ages." ~ New York Times
Bloodangel4ever 14
Is it bad that I want this?
applebramble 22
She was giving a fine example .
Carmstro 13
79 jam packed, hah! I get it.
OnlyTheDarkest 17
Did it put you in the mood? ;)
sdroze1389 31
your number #66 lol jk
chuka81 27
Well, just smile and wave at him, smile and wave. Or prove that your phone composes and sends texts to random people automatically. I'm sure there is an app for that.
Jasper1405 16
This kind of fml is why I'm never loaning my phone to my friends again...
Ekket 1
Wait, You send erotic text messages to your dad?
andrewturtle 16
Wait, you don't?!
alshygirl 14
It's almost as if you didn't read the FML at all
hcollins1 18
Yes 9, OP likes sending erotic texts to his dad while standing next to him at a grocery store. It's not like he has cruel but funny friends that changes the names in his phone!
angelitared 27
Friends or not friends? That is the question!
MakaylaReneeB 8
Niether, Best friends.
seriouslypony 9
Wouldn't that be the result of your friends changing your dad's name on your phone to your girlfriend's?
CharresBarkrey 16
In other words, exactly what the FML stated. Ah, never mind. I see now that the FML mods fixed the error.
seriouslypony 9
Ah okay it got fixed.
cutiedimples 13
I really want to know what happened after!
joawmeens 7
Him and his dad totally made out in the grocery store
Dawnstempest 17
And then it turned out they weren't really father and son. The grocery store wasn't a grocery story. Instead it was the set of a porno.
joawmeens 7
Then the pizza guy, cable guy, phone guy, and dude with a sweet mustache show up, and they make a mansagna That's a lasagna made out of dudes. Sausage included
corporatescoundr 25
I wonder how his girlfriend felt after the mansagna... Or maybe she showed up and got herself a piece