Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, some of my buddies were playing truth or dare. As I got to the group, one guy was dared to ding dong ditch. He did so, and the owner of the house let his big ol' dog out to chase us. It only ran after me the whole time. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML
Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML
Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML
Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML
Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML
Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML
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Top comments
Le_Anonymous 9
This is going straight to the favorites.
Helloilike_lacro 8
Did you get your penis back?
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Comments (92)
flockz 20
this can lead to the best pick up line ever! guy: "hey lady!" girl: "umm yes?" guy: "quick! these pixies are trying to take my penis! i need to hide it!" girl: "omigawd! how should i help?" guy: "well....."
OhDearBetrayal 25
As a girl, I can guarantee that no ******-owning being would reply with "omigosh how should I help you?"
Isoldael 27
Let the poor guy have his hopes and dreams :p
flockz 20
you girls wouldn't help a poor guy in need? *puppy dog eyes*
Trisha_aus 15
Haha that might work if the girl is really drunk..Better than the usual cheesy pick up lines, at least he's creative ;)
opoopu 8
Let's detach it and hide it in the bushes nearby.
BulldogHoops 14
Is there any way in hell you expect me to feel sorry for you here?
newbiehere99 6
You don't have to feel sorry in Hell, but there's always Heaven.
Bowers25 8
Did you teach those pixies a lesson?
kakarot2 11
Need a moment? Chew it over with a twix.
savage93 11
Ur More stupider than my profile pic.
Kallian_fml 21
'Ur More stupider'? Your comment just caused dozens of my brain cells to commit suicide.
xXSkullCarlosXx 11
Says the guy who says "stupider".
BulldogHoops 14
Come on now
ambowew 7
Not sure if trolling of just stupid.
newbiehere99 6
This thread made me go blind in my good eye ...
CharresBarkrey 16
17 - Technically Officer Doofy wasn't stupid, he was just acting.
doodlecloud 27
So my comment got deleted just for essentially saying the guy deserved it? Mods, can you explain? Because I'm kinda getting bored of random censorship...
kenleybunch 15
This is..... Great.
pradip 26
That would have been a visual treat for the teens in the family.
newbiehere99 6
Treat for the teens? Does your family reunion consist of pedophiles?
perdix 31
You certainly broke the tense tedium of the discussions of Aunt Louise's inability to keep a man and Cousin Ned's obvious homosexuality. Uncle Earl is relieved that his drinking problem doesn't seem so bad compared to the naked pixie idiot. I think other families will hire you to perform at their reunions.
interesting33 37
Brilliant!
grafeety 9
The worst part is they took his scissors and razor about 3 months ago.