Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML
Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
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Top comments
LadyKaya 0
FYL...I'm so sorry, especially when you have a child who's seen this/heard this...Not only has she seen things she's way too young to understand, or that he'd even do that with a child in the house, but the fighting/divorce that's on the horizon will be hard on her...It's sad that he didn't think of his daughter.
kitkatkelly 0
Daddy's gonna get a thumping from someone else tonight.
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Comments (176)
glostik 0
Wow. Maybe talk time? Q_Q
anonacs 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why couldn't they just be wrestling? No need to make assumptions.
kaprookie 3
Who the **** wrestles on a bed?
dabomb1463 0
Ur mom
lilmslady 11
That too funny
doctorbob 0
so, who won at wrestling? FYL
prettypathetic 0
wow. i feel so sorry for you. you should have sex the other night and ask him if you can wrestle him..lol
mtgfreal 0
First!
ogtwag 2
YDI for being no good in the sack
hello515 0
omg youre an ass no one deserves to be cheated on
DieterDerBlau 0
Sure they do.
hahathatsux 0
the only time i can see it being ok to cheat is if they cheat on you first....perhaps OP is a cheating ***** and deserved it? unlikely but we don't know the full story
blah123blah 0
I think I saw your husband battleing for the champions belt, or whatever they compeate for these days. They call it something like, "guy with wife plowing girl who isn't his wife" on the internet I don't get It though, there's only one audeance member, some kid.
f_alltheirlives 3
Lolol
Lythiaren 8
I guess that's one way to describe it. FYL indeed.
jpas 0
wow at least now you know... that sucks =(
macc55 2
cool