Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It's cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, I came home from work to my three year-old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "Daddy, smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it? Then she pushed my face into the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML
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Top comments
Decapitation 3
This FML socks.
iggz 0
She did exactly what you said
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Comments (130)
Artz94_fml 16
Disgusting !
pokeychris 6
At least she listens.
kareltje 17
And then they still say that kids aren't smart? She did exactly what you told her to! Question is now whether or not she gave you this "Mom? Are you really sure?"-look... :D
mandibreann1212 6
Kids trust their parents so much though. It's cute. It's like mommy and daddy are invincible. I can't wait to be that for someone. :)
ImaginaryFoe 1
A tired five year old can be forgiven for misunderstanding. She may not actually be a stupid kid. Washing her snotty socks will help you remember to be more explicit when dealing with tired children.
BeatlesObsessed 12
Good choice of words. :p
theghost1309 11
I'd say this is more of a face palm than a fml lol
afulks78 11
She did what you asked. Didn't she ?
stacianichole 2
What you needed here was a comma.
mandibreann1212 6
A comma wasn't actually necessary...
ThatLooksSticky 16
An ellipses definitely was not necessary. How 'bout we change it to "Didn't she do what you asked?"
afulks78 11
She did what you asked. Didn't she ?
kareltje 17
This is an FML, because mom has to wash the laundry, that's why :D
likeavirgo 0
Weh?