Today, my fiancée called our engagement off, because apparently she's actually a complete idiot who will believe anything that a slimy con artist tells her. In this case, a "psychic" who mumbled some shit about me having "a dark aura." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
Today, my fiancée handed me her engagement ring back and told me she felt like she's pressuring me into marriage, so to make me feel better about it we’re no longer engaged. On top of this, I found out she’s started talking to her ex again. FML
Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked her why she did, she said that the psychic that she was texting (one of those 44644 numbers) said we have a 2% compatibility rating. How does that explain 4 years of happy dating? FML
Today, my fiancée called off our wedding out of the blue. After a long discussion about it, it turns out that last week I voiced an opinion about the wedding she didn’t agree with, and doesn’t want to spend her life married to someone who’s going to argue with her every five minutes. FML
Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML
Today, I got engaged. My family is already placing bets on how long it will take for my fiancée to "wise up and ditch" me. FML
Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she believes I "jinxed" her chances of getting the job she wanted. FML
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Top comments
loserboii 11
You're better off without her if she's that supersticious
Addyy_ 5
I would too if my fiancée just left me because of bullshit like that.
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Comments (271)
loserboii 11
You're better off without her if she's that supersticious
zachherbert 10
Just find another slimy con artist to say you have a very bright aura.
olpally 33
She's worse than "rose" from two and a half men... Lol, you're better off without that crazy bitch...
ripresno 10
Superstitious? Maybe just gullible. And did you know that the word gullible isn't in the dictionary?
imaginaryvoice 18
Ask her if she even knows what an aura is
xavier21_fml 6
verrrrrry superstitiooooouuuuus, writings on the walllllll!
Llamacod 11
Ha, liar, I found gullible in the dictionary. Perhaps you just have an older print so it's not in yours.
CaramelMacchiato 13
21 - I'm sad to say that I actually fell for that :(
Enslaved 38
55, it's a joke to see if you're gullible enough to actually look it up. It's a joke that's been around for some time. Hmmmm now I'm wondering if you know this already and testing other's gullibility? Haha
NothingsEasy 4
True dat
Llamacod 11
Enslaved, you, ma'am, are a genius. My comment if someone didn't catch my sarcasm would have been along the lines of: I don't know if gullible is in the dictionary burbot definitely is in FML.
Llamacod 11
Damn autocorrect, I meant but it is in FML
Enslaved 38
Thank you for clearing that up. I had no idea what you were talking about and looked up "burbot" in the /dictionary/ hehe. Why you were writing about cod confused me.(:
perdix 31
Is a burbot related to the turbot, another fish?
Enslaved 38
Is it? You tell me. And here I thought the only fish you cared to research were snappers. (:
other121 2
Ha-Ha-Ha you are really funny. Old ass trick or joke or whatever. Grow up
xd3box 4
21-Is it bad that I thought to myself for a moment, "is isn't?". I quickly snapped back into reality.
iBanana 17
Nobody has stopped to contemplate the fact that OP really might have some dark aura, and his fiance' just saved herself from murder, torture, depression, heavy flow and probably 15% on her car insurance? Just tossing that snid-bit out into everyone's salad.
atomicbaboon 0
188, if i wanted snid-bits in my salad, i would've ******* asked for them! gtfo
WeAreAHurricane 14
Does it mean that she predicts the future too? Seeing as your aura is pretty dark now that you've been dumped...
Jason213 3
Try Dat nigga
iBanana 17
200, I was just trying to share. Please, in the future, don't make such useless comments. They make you look stupid :)
IcedJesus 5
Clever :)
jesse91 12
stop tossing in my salad.
josh_lzr 4
Wowowow. That blows. Find the guy and do mean things to him
muzy 23
Let's not rush to any conclusions guys because there might actually be something to this. Dark auras do exist. How else would you explain the existience of evil Ryu ???
Earth_Bound 0
#52 yeah, my mom has a dark aura. It sucks and she doesn't believe in that so she's just acting normal but I keep my distance
Meettitan 14
52- Evil developers at Team Ninja...
dav3800 7
If this guy was Patrick Jane then let him be.
wannaplay 1
What is "a dark aura". Sounds strange
Earth_Bound 0
#154 it's like, if your evil or good. A dark or black aura is not a good sign, it could mean you work with evil presences or your just not nice
melikesfml 11
154: you should see if you can get paid to make special appearances to classes of lids taking those anti drug programs. One sentence outa you and they'd be drug free for life.
fuzz97 23
Earth_Bound, you sound EXACTLY like OP's fiancée
Norbury 6
#52, no, they don't. Auras of any hue do not exist. Next you'll be saying you believe in ghosts. And homeopathy.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
At first glance, I thought #2's comment said "Find the guy and blow him."
teentee401 37
^glad I'm not the only one
itwasallyellow 0
See? You have such a negative aura!
Addyy_ 5
I would too if my fiancée just left me because of bullshit like that.
thejewishfuhrer 17
Bitches be tripping.
kool44_fml 2
Uve got to be kidding me. Ur an idiot for saying that
white16sox 19
128, you've got to be kidding me. You're an idiot for spelling like that.
hunterfisher98 8
142- grammar Nazi much?
Fml_FTW228 10
^^ What's a "Nazi much?"
1crabbygirl 10
Lighten up, people! She's making a joke.
22cute 17
Is that a dog's butt? :)
jojimugo 20
Dumbest comment I have seen all year...
Michael_92 20
Idk about that, I have made some really bad comments this year.
Larawk 8
Grab a pitchfork, torch, and head to that psychic!
ripresno 10
Screw pitchforks and torches. Grab an axe instead.
Larawk 8
:o
THE_A_TEEN 28
**** the axe, I'd grab a gun.
ripresno 10
Or just watch them agree that we all have bad auras. Hooray for our bad thoughts!
THE_A_TEEN 28
Noor, that would fail. Have you ever played Pokémon? Try fighting 2 Kadabras/Alakazam and see if that would get you somewhere. I recommend a Bug or a Dark type.
Llamacod 11
Noor, you're awesome.
Addyy_ 5
If the psychic is psychic wouldn't he see it coming?
Llamacod 11
No, the psychic you bring will block the "sight" of the other psychic.
Addyy_ 5
72 - okay, thanks for clearing that up for me.
NothingsEasy 4
Ok I am still trying to process what you guys all just said....and Pokemon all the way
coldashell 23
South park psychic battle anyone?
BradTheBrony 19
Pitch fork and torch? MORE LIKE FLAMETHROWER AND TRIDENT, BITCH.
Lingonberry 4
For better and for worse apparently didn't suit her
zandalee 20
Silly bitch. Run. Be glad. You were let off easily. Imagine if you had married her.
Trisha_aus 15
Take her to a different psychic and prove to her it's all bullshit
Llamacod 11
What if the 2nd psychic says the same thing?
Il_Maestro 6
If the second one says the same thing, then OP must be a demon.
reddudeover 2
59 - if op's smart he'll grease the second physic.
Fml_FTW228 10
97- If he put grease on the psychic... don't you think he would be mad and not do what he says?
IcedJesus 5
Psychics want to get their person alone. As con-artists they can suck money out of her pocket like no tomorrow. Just be glad your not with her.
girlwithmoodeyes 0
eh, unless you two spent a few years together you should be thankful you noticed this about her beforehand. if you two stayed together and got married she might wanna let your future kids themselves (like on 30 rock) but im sorry OP. maybe some other girl will love yoy "darkness" and all! :)
girlwithmoodeyes 0
you*
mustafa_fml 0
What?????
Addyy_ 5
36 - Do you have no reading comprehension?
Llamacod 11
Yes I have fine reading comprehension skills. But does this actually make sense" if you two stayed together and got married she might wanna let your future kids themselves..." Let your future kid do what themselves? So I too have to say WHAT?
girlwithmoodeyes 0
NAME. i was on the house phone while typing on my cell. i also spelled you wrong. just relax.
Llamacod 11
For starters, you relax, I never said anything about the misspelling as that was obvious what was meant. But c'mon forgetting the "NAME" out of the sentence completely changed the point of the comment.
girlwithmoodeyes 0
personally, i think youre being rude to 70 and i. okay, i made two mistakes. okay 70 was trying to be funny (and yes failed) but i dont think you need to be so proper and snobby about it. maybe im reading your comments wrong but it seems like you would be the type of person that smacks gum just to annoy others. and by that (in internet) i will say, you were (in a way) trolling. thanks for your creative inputs. not to mention when i said "relax" it wasnt directed at you, but at 70. feel free to insult me futhermore, but i wont respond.
ajwc 0
I don't get it eithet
Llamacod 11
Wow, you are waaaaaaaaay too thin skinned, never once in any of my comments on this thread insult you or anyone. I was just pointing out the lack of comprehension in your original comment. I do appreciate that you came back with "NAME" so I could insert it into the original comment and make sense of it.
JustAGuy107 0
Show that psychic how dark you can get. I want them to not be able to tell that she was human by the time you're done. If you want to, though. I'm just saying it would be fun to watch.
Llamacod 11
How would that be fun to watch? I thinner found our "dark aura" right here.
Llamacod 11
I meant" I think we found our dark aura right here"
Earth_Bound 0
Woahh....a bit to far there....
MsSoulReaper 27
I think she had other reasons to leave you. Sorry OP.
ImaginaryFoe 1
I agree. Either she is incredibly flaky or she was grasping for any reason to leave because she alreasy wanted out. I can't see any way that you aren't better off without this relationship, OP. Hopefully your bitterness over this will subside and you'll be open when a more suitable person comes along. Prove that psychic wrong.
supimnyancat 9
Bitches be stupid.