Today, my fiancé called and hung up right after I answered. He called back 5 minutes later demanding to know the name of the man who answered my phone. This "man" was me. I have bronchitis. Yes, he's aware of this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend's job to ask him a question. His co-worker answered the phone, and when I asked for my boyfriend, he assumed I was someone else. Who exactly would that someone else be? FML
Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
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Top comments
imustbeinsane 2
Ask him who the little girl that called from his number the first time was
DocBastard 40
Tell him it was your parole officer. He'll be so glad you aren't cheating that he's bound to just forget the whole thing.
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Comments (103)
imustbeinsane 2
Ask him who the little girl that called from his number the first time was
kjcookie10 9
Does he have like memory loss or short term memory loss?? If not smart guy you got there. *rolls eyes*
TheMaster15 10
1- yes. Then ask him if he's trying to be Justin Bieber.
noobcake111 2
Ydi for having a fiancé
noncomposmentis 6
Ask him why he did not recognise your voice the first time he called, but recognised your voice the second time he called.
periwinkle95 10
Why would someone ever deserve this? It's not their fault they have bronchitis. Cruel people out there..
chrisauh 4
Wouldn't make sense if he had a deep voice @#1
Radix 3
Atleast he cares!
LolCakes111 7
Thumbs down for caring...hehehe...caring...
Jamialia 5
How is it caring? He knows she is sick but accuses her of having another man in the house. It's not caring, it's paranoia.
SaMmIMonster96 6
Hehe, I think that he does care and has paranoia... You never know
mizuki123 8
I know someone who was very jealous and controlling "even tho he seemed to care" sometimes it can go over board. It might not be a good thing OP..
DocBastard 40
Tell him it was your parole officer. He'll be so glad you aren't cheating that he's bound to just forget the whole thing.
xxmusicroxxx 0
What does banality mean?
Dracoboxer357 36
65, coulda avoided being thumbed down a lot if you just googled it. :) Also, since the question's in your profile, OP stands for Original Poster. On case no one's filled you in on that yet. Cheers.
CheckItOutItsYou 7
What's an asshole
imustbeinsane 2
An asshole is that hole you wipe after you go number 2, also refers to people that are jerks
unluckiestperson_fml 14
Ahhhh thank you for clearing this up, I thought it was a type of herbaceous tree, always got strange looks on those nature walks...
ICATiger 13
Is it as deep as morgan freeman's.
SkoomaKi 28
No one has a deeper voice than Morgan Freeman!
GoW_Chick 15
What about the guy who played the voice of Darth Vader, who's name has slipped my mind?
loski87 4
^ his name is James Earl Jones. But I think Barry White had a deeper voice then all of them.
monnanon 14
What about Corey Feldman. He had a ridiculously deep voice in lost boys and he was only a kid still.
ilikeapplejuice 7
Batman's voice gives me the chills.
mintstashinurtea 5
-_- he's a dumbass
AlaskanEskimo34 0
Some men just have selective hearing...
Prescott6185p 6
Shut up
Jamialia 5
I agree. That applies to my father.
hellbilly205 17
That sucks OP i remember having bronchitis it sucks but atleast your husband cares about keeping you.
NoobCommenter96 0
Stupid question: what is bronchitis?
GoW_Chick 15
Is there a doctor in the house? * looks toward DocBastard*
jbon87 6
Surely it would have taken you less time to type "bronchitis" into Google than it did to ask the question here, with the added benefit of getting your answer instantly.
DocBastard 40
Jbon - or could could just not act like an asshole and answer the question! *acts like an asshole and doesn't answer the question*
GoW_Chick 15
I know I could of used google to find out the answer JBon, I was just trying to see if I could magically summon DocBastard, hey look it worked, and they said I was crazy for trying.
ladyLALAA 29
Jbon stop giving Australia a bad name!
jbon87 6
DocBastard - I wasn't being spiteful, just genuinely curious as to why people ask those types of questions when it is so simple to research it yourself. As you would know, the definition of bronchitis isn't an abstract concept that requires someone to baby you through it in order for you to understand.
Dracoboxer357 36
It is kind if nice to have someone with medical authority around commenting every time some twit claims they got circumcised by braces or to verbally bitch slap someone who might believe a yeast infection will smell like making bread, but for nasty people. :p Don't you just love being everyone's pg-13 rated "Dr. Oz?" ;)
DocBastard 40
PG13? Shit I used to be bordering on NC-17. I guess I'm slipping. I must research this fully. Jbon, the reason for my comment for you was that I've made that same comment at least 10 times. I can't imagine why someone would ask such an easily-googlable question.
girl112891 7
I wondered the same thing when I first saw the word, but then I put the whole thing together. Someone also mentioned in a comment above that they've had it before. It's so obvious what it is now. Looking around and connect the peaces.
GoW_Chick 15
36- Maybe because they wanted to get the diagnosis from the famous DocBastard, who doesn't like to be insulted by you, I for one would be honored to be. *waits patiently for ego crushing blow*
NoobCommenter96 0
Thanks for the answer everyone, I guess I will look it up on google next time.
ladyLALAA 29
Technically, you didn't get an answer!
Jovecove 13
Instead of all these pointless debate, someone should just answer the question. :/ And dude next time just google anything you don't understand.
NoobCommenter96 0
I will
DocBastard 40
GoW - who is this "famous DocBastard"? I'm just the regular DocBastard.
GoW_Chick 15
I must have you confused with another DocBastard, damn come to think of it that guy owes me money, and his Phd was from Mexico, should of seen the red flags.
redhead6 9
I love how no one actually answered the question.
Dracoboxer357 36
....And no one's going to answer it! Why? Ever hear "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, you feed him for life?" Instead of giving him an answer, everyone gave him the Means to always find the answer. Infinitely better. ;)
GoW_Chick 15
Looks like someone is stopping at the gas station on the way home to buy 'I'm sorry' flowers.
iliketurdles 7
Pfft, she'll be lucky to get a Facebook poke. Chivalry is dead
Awsumuzzie 12
Pfft,28 is right... Isn't it now that the more advanced way to apologize is "make up sex"?
GoodLookingGeese 10
..or another advanced way - a "make up sandwich" ;)
Amrel 10
Since when do gas stations sell flowers? It probably has to do with the place i live,but that just sounds weird