Today, my fiancé called and hung up right after I answered. He called back 5 minutes later demanding to know the name of the man who answered my phone. This "man" was me. I have bronchitis. Yes, he's aware of this. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend's job to ask him a question. His co-worker answered the phone, and when I asked for my boyfriend, he assumed I was someone else. Who exactly would that someone else be? FML
Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
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Top comments
imustbeinsane 2
Ask him who the little girl that called from his number the first time was
DocBastard 40
Tell him it was your parole officer. He'll be so glad you aren't cheating that he's bound to just forget the whole thing.
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Comments (103)
majorasshole 4
Your marriage is going to work out well.
KiddNYC1O 22
Herp derp.
l0v3p4in 7
Best thing about being sick? Deep manly voice FTW. :)
MikeyFilth13 0
maybe you should take better care of yourself
xxmusicroxxx 0
Hahahahhahahahahah
Nema_fml 0
Happens to me all the time
snuffy94 5
I get bronchitis like every year!!!! I hate it!
thefmlman2011 37
ain't nobody got time for that
kenzy960817 5
deep, manly voices are best pony
mpclaw 3
Run from this jerk. Now!
SlaveToRetail 10
Bronchitis is a bitch. I remember I had to work the day after I was diagnosed and customers kept giving me weird looks because I sounded like a prepubescent man. Miserable thing. Feel better, OP. Hope your paranoid fiance got over it.