Today, my father told me he hasn't brushed his teeth for 30 years: he just wipes them with paper towels. I don't know whether to be horribly disgusted, or horribly jealous that he has never gotten a cavity. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML
Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML
Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML
Today, my dentist asked me if I floss regularly. Wanting to avoid judgment, I lied and said yes. He nodded, started cleaning my teeth, then pulled out an entire popcorn kernel that had apparently been living in my gums long enough to pay rent. FML
Today, my dentist told me I have 8 cavities. I'd jokingly bragged about never having a single cavity for 25 years right before he started checking. He laughed and said, "Well, that lucky streak is over!" then went on to drill the shit out of my teeth. I still can't feel the left side of my face. FML
Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed, I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied, "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML
Today, after a childhood of battling bad teeth and cavities, I'm an overzealous brusher. I found out that I have cavities in all quadrants of my mouth from over-brushing, which will need multiple appointments to fill. FML
Today, I went to the dentist, telling him proudly that I had flossed for two straight weeks. The dentist told me that flossing wouldn't undo “Whatever happened back there.” FML
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Top comments
LadyKayDee 23
I would be horribly disgusted. That's gross
CODplayer4lyfe 24
Maybe it's just me, but wouldn't wiping your teeth down with paper towels be more involving and possibly time consuming than a quick brush?
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Comments (64)
LadyKayDee 23
I would be horribly disgusted. That's gross
LilMissCanadian 22
Imagine how horrible his breath must be
jlang917 14
That is disgusting, you should keep doing what you're doing OP
hoosiergirl94 31
Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbitz!
JMichael 26
No clean it up with Bounty! Bounty clears stains better than the leading brand!
KhaleesiDannie 26
And more teeth cleaned per roll
suchwow101 4
Might as well clean it with bleach
youngmessi252525 20
I mean if it gets the job done who cares how he does it
SecundusSecunda 27
Because it's unhygienic, I really doubt it gets the job done. This FML reminds me of the other FML of the grandma that never wiped her butt after defecating and let "nature handle things"
mds9986 24
It's clearly not unhygienic if he doesn't get cavities.
catherinecas 30
But the dad could have gingivitis, gum disease, and all sorts of nasty shit in his mouth. Not having cavities doesn't mean a healthy mouth
Verthandin 15
Thing is that if your mouth is unhygienic it will also make you more vulnerable against infections and just the a normal cold
SecundusSecunda 27
#50, what about the bacteria on his tongue? Does he wipe his tongue with paper towels also? It's unhygienic.
Railroader 16
is this called biting satire?
StupidUsername89 23
Hey, if it really works I might give it a go.
xxsakuraxx 29
For the love of all that it good and holy, please don't! Imagine how bad this dude's breath must stink!
atomicxsarah 17
He's lucky! I brush and floss twice a day and have 2 cavities. Maybe he doesn't eat much sugary foods and drinks.
ThePez828 18
YOU are lucky, haha. I brush and floss everyday yet I have had more cavities than can be counted!
CODplayer4lyfe 24
Maybe it's just me, but wouldn't wiping your teeth down with paper towels be more involving and possibly time consuming than a quick brush?
Feklfekl2222 32
It's possible that he feels brushing hurts his gums too much, or some other problem he specifically has with brushing rather than an issue with how long it takes
katachristic 19
No, it only takes like five seconds. That's what I do after lunch at work and when I stay at someone else's place unexpectedly and didn't bring a toothbrush. I wouldn't recommend it as a complete substitute for brushing, but it's actually pretty effective in a pinch, especially if your host has floss.
AndyPurdy 31
That is ******* disgusting
jen1097 25
I feel sorry for the people who speak to him. The smell of bacteria would be so overwhelming. Please buy this man a mouthwash if he refuses to brush omg
TWayne95 13
If you never brush your teeth then your body does all the work and does what it's meant to do. Think of it like wearing an ankle brace. If you wear an ankle brace for a year your body will get used to having that support and not having to do anything so when you take the brace off your ankle will be super weak. Same concept for everything.
kindasortayeah 25
Well, by wiping his teeth, he's actually removing most of the bacteria. When you brush your teeth, you don't kill any bacteria, just remove them from the surface. In a way, he is doing the same thing, just not nearly as thorough as brushing your teeth. Although I do agree, that is pretty nasty.